Saturday, November 20, 2010

HeartChange

Welcome to Thoughts Beyond Time.

A new friend of mine recently stated that he had misunderstood his existence.  He thought he was a physical being having a spiritual experience, when in reality he was a spiritual being having a physical experience.  I agree.  We are spiritual beings, and though our present and physical existence is linear, our spirits are eternal, and one day we will transcend the boundaries of space and time when we return to the feet of our Creator.

I met this friend, now a brother-in-arms, at HeartChange.  In Oregon.  Eastern Oregon.  FAR eastern Oregon.  I live in North Dakota, roughly 1000 miles away.

So, what would posses me to make a 2000+ mile round trip in mid November to Oregon in an '98 Chevy Silverado K1500?  Well, simply put, HeartChange.  You can find them here: www.heartchange.org 

I wasn't thrilled about participating.  I really didn't want to be there.  My wife needed help.  But why would I need any?  After all, I grew up in church.  I've been learning theology ever since I can remember.  I knew all the answers.  I can parse out and coherently argue nit-picky details with the best theology professors on the planet.  If anyone needed help, it would not be me.  The Holy Spirit would use my vast knowledge and show me where I needed to change.

. . . . Did anyone notice a common thread in that last paragraph?  Did you notice how many times the first person pronouns were used?  13 instances in that short paragraph. I needed HeartChange.  I didn't know it because I had too much of a preoccupation with how great and smart I was.  In short, I was proud, exulting in my own glory and greatness, happy to worship myself and pay lip-service to God.  I needed HeartChange.  The Holy Spirit couldn't fill me and help me because I was too full of myself.  I had to be broken so that I would be spilled out completely.  Then the Holy Spirit could mend me and fill me with His presence.  I needed HeartChange.

What can I say?  HeartChange was an incredible experience.  I want everyone to go, and from the sounds of it, many want to go.  They have a waiting list half a mile long of people who want to experience what I experienced, to be able to walk a new journey with Creator God and call Him "Daddy," and to be filled with such a wonder and awe to not only know that God loves them but also to feel that He loves them.  Broken hearts begin to mend, and wounds of the heart long left festering or bleeding begin to heal.


At some point on the second day I was given a new name.  I became White Washed Tomb.  The people of HeartChange have incredible insight.  I could not believe that they saw right through me.  My new name exposed me for what I truly was.

Until the end of the next day I remained White Washed Tomb.  We went through various processes over those days to help us confront our deepest shames and darkest haunts.

At the end of the second day, we went through a process in which we named the various components of the wall that we had built up around our hearts, and used various sized boxes to build a physical representation of them.  I had a wall nearly six feet high.  For the crowning brick I took off my name tag and placed it on top. I wanted to be rid of who and what I had become.  My small group leader, Brent (totally awesome dude), asked me if I wanted to break it down.  I thought for a moment, then asked him to do it in my stead.  All of my life, insofar as I can remember, I have tried to do things in my own power, and consequently sank myself to newer and lower lows, making a mess of my life.  I requested Brent to step in, and in a physical representation of the working of the Holy Spirit, he smashed my wall asunder.

That same night we had to formulate a "dagger."  A dagger, in this context, is a statement, a tool that we can use to remember the work God did in our hearts.  It states concisely how God views each person individually, and it is something that can be and is intended to be used when we fall under spiritual attack and are faced with temptation.  Mine is as follows:

"I am a warrior, forged in adversity by my Lord and Captain, unfettered and at peace."

Later on the third night I received a new name - Lion of Peace.  I have embraced my name, and it is now my blog signature.

The whole experience, though difficult at first, beyond question encompassed some of the greatest moments of my life to date, the undisputed first and greatest being the very day of my salvation - Friday, April 19, 1996, 17:15 PM Central Time.

May God be with you.

5 comments:

  1. Dearest Jonathan, I KNEW I loved your heart the moment I clapped eyes on you! Thank you for your surrender, your choice(s), and your willingness. Ain't it great? Truly hope to see you sooner rather than later my friend! Blessings abundantly in every direction, but especially in your heart! Let's keep soft together!
    Son Of Compassion

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  2. Oh!! Amazing! I was fearful when Christina said she wanted to go...oh what if they get all the way there and leave because it is so uncomfortable and different from what they have ever experienced?
    I made Jesus so little...He knew what you needed. Love LOVE how He works to bring redemption and transformation!
    Keep writing!Great stuff!

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  3. I must disclose that I corrected two errors in my blog. One, I left out the word "it" and inserted it in its proper place: in the 10th paragraph, fourth line, fourth word from the left.

    Next, I corrected my dagger. It was supposed to read "Captain" instead of "Savior."

    There may be others. I just haven't noticed them yet. Human I am, and thus prone to er. I beg your continued indulgence.

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  4. I just edited a couple of errors and removed my rather strong endorsement of HeartChange, no because I do not believe it but I do not wish to convey the wrong idea that healing cannot come without HeartChange. I will quote it here:

    "Is it possible to live a good and fulfilled Christian life without HeartChange? It is possible, provided you are in a good church, pastored by a true man of God, surrounded by godly people who not only know the love of God but know how to communicate it to others, and by those who possess a godly wisdom and insight far surpassing any mortal understanding or schooling, and that you yourself are willing and earnestly desirous to confront the darkest recesses of your soul. Yes, it is possible. But not very likely."

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  5. Wow. Beautiful. I look forward to reading more. Thank you for sharing.

    -LittleBirdie

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