Being Real

The ancient Greeks loved to philosophize.  They tried to explain the universe they lived in by observing, thinking, formulating ideas, and debating those ideas.  One premise which surfaced nearly five centuries before Christ stated that for something to be considered real, it had to be constant, or unchanging.  This postulation led to a plethora of ideas, going from "different" to "just plain weird."  One philosopher, some time removed from when the premise originated, said that it is never possible to step into the same river twice, because when the traveler returns, erosion has changed the river in some minute way, and thus it is no longer the same river, and thus the river is not real and does not exist.  Another philosopher, some years later, decided that it is not possible to step into the same river even once, because it is changing as one is placing his foot into it, therefore the river cannot be real or even exist.  Still others went on to say that because everything changes, nothing is real and nothing can exist.

They reasoned on this premise for centuries, and these ancient thinkers could never reconcile their intellect with their observations. Some dismissed their observations as false.  Some recognized a flaw somewhere and tried to figure out where they went wrong.  A few probably even went mad trying to figure it all out.  But they never questioned the premise.  They never realized that the very foundation of their thinking was flawed, and so their conclusions were flawed.

Like the Greek philosophers of old  I, too, lived my life on a false premise. I lived my life believing that by conforming myself, even in some small degrees, to the expectations or standards of others, that I was not only doing myself a favor, but I was also honoring them.  I thought I was practicing deference.  This lead to a duality in my life which could not be sustained.  Consider the following graphic:

It summarizes well my dilemma.  I stood in the middle, and I had to try to balance who I was in private with who I was in the presence of others.  I am not saying that I deliberately hid aspects of my life, though I dare say that there is not a person alive who does not have or had at least one skeleton lurking in a forgotten closet, plastered over and blissfully out of sight and mind.  Instead of hiding my life, per se, I simply did not bring up certain topics, or I did not include myself in certain conversations.  Hiding tends to involve deception, and to my knowledge I never deliberately deceived.  If asked a point blank question, I did not shy from giving a point blank answer.  It just so happened that most people just weren't curious or obnoxious enough to ask.

For a person to keep growing, and to even be able to stand firm in his convictions, he must not be afraid to question himself and his beliefs.  But just questioning will tend to make one goofy in his thinking.  The questioner must have a standard against which he can question, and this standard is the inerrant and divine Word of God.

I have questioned the existence of God, and He has mightily shown Himself to exist.  I have questioned the authenticity of the Bible, and God has demonstrated its full truthfulness.  I have questioned my reason for being, and God has shown that He has a purpose, though I do not know what that is as of yet.  I have questioned my beliefs, and some I have amended, others I have abandoned.  I have questioned authority, and God has shown me that I must obey it, starting with Him, and then human authority so long it does not conflict with God's, and that blind allegiance to human authority is wrong.  I have questioned my standards of personal conduct, and some I have amended, and others I have abandoned.

This brings me to the point of my blog.  I have changed over the years, but some elements of my change I have been very guarded over.  That stops now.  There are some who read this blog who may be saddened by what they read.  Others will smile.  Others will be shocked.  Others may even rejoice.  A few may feel betrayed.  Some may even see this as an opportunity to try to destroy me. Am I worried?  To answer this question, I will quote from a much maligned Disney film, the Lion King - "Hakuna Matata" (it's Swahili meaning " There are no worries."  Imagine that . . .).  Why no worries?  It's all been handed over to God. 

Why am I doing this? HeartChange Tool Kit - Rule #15: Truth vs. My Reality.  Do you remember, from my last blog entry, that I had received a new name, even if it was for a day?  I was White Washed Tomb.  To not expose myself now is to hide behind the veneer of my carefully constructed and decorated shell.  By exposing myself, by being real, and letting you see who I really am, I am shattering that wall from within, and I am declaring that I will live by Grace and not by the dictates of men.  I will not be enslaved to what I believe others expect of me, nor to conventional norms.  To expose myself means to surrender my pride, something of which I am in no danger of running out of any time soon.  The most important reason for doing this, though, is because I believe it is honoring to God, and that this is what He desires me to do.  So, without further ado, I will open my trench coat (so you can see my superhero shorts and saintly body, completely clothed from the knees up, of course).

First of all, I listen to wild music.  Oh, I do enjoy the whole spectrum of what is loosely termed "classical."  I also enjoy a variety of very conservative Christian music.  But I must confess I have a weakness for hard rock/metal.  I love ZZ Top (Blues - I know), and I especially delight over Petra.  I am warming up to Sovereign Grace Music, along with Chris Tomlin and others like him.  I have heard music I like from various CCM musicians in recent months.  I really enjoy the music of Sarah Brightman, and I love the music of Nightwish, a Finnish operetic/symphonic metal band (they have quite an amazing female vocalist).

Second, I will be getting a tattoo.  It's not a question of "if," but rather when and which one and where.  I found a tribal lion I really like.  I am also considering a large serpentine oriental dragon coiling its way around my arm from my left shoulder down to my left elbow.  I do want something on the back of my right shoulder which looks like a product label which reads "Made in Japan," perhaps with a bar-code that will scan to display my birthday.  On my right upper arm I am considering a cherry blossom pattern on a field of bright blue.  Who knows.  I may even go really wild and pierce an ear and wear a big gold earring like a pirate. :)

Third, I have no problem with lighting up a pipe or a cigar.  (Ever hear of C.H. Spurgeon?)

Fourth, I have no problem with the temperate use of alcohol.  I don't have a problem with downing a beer.  So far, I have only had non-alcoholic beer.  I don't intend to drink hard liquor, not because I believe it is evil, but because I am afraid of it.  I do not wish to open the gates to potential abuse.  Having said that, though, I am warming up to the idea of a mild nightcap (again, C.H. Spurgeon).

Fifth, I have no problem with gambling.  I buy the occasional  lottery ticket.  I like playing poker (though I do not enjoy betting money or using chips - I would rather play with M&Ms or Skittles) and Black Jack.  Even slot machines I consider to be just fine.  I like dice.  Most games are a waste of time and/or money.  But, as you can see, there are a few I like.

Sixth, I have no problem going to our local movie theater.

Seventh, I have no problem eating a meal in a tavern.


That may be enough for now.  Honestly I am unable to think of anything else to put down.  Besides, I've put enough to give the average Independent Baptist a fit of sputters and high blood pressure.

There may be elements I exposed here which may not be right.  Others may not be wise.  I am simply telling you who I am right now, at this moment in time, one life to another, heart to heart.  Judge me if you wish.  Release me from your friendship if you must.  Curse me if you feel so led.  I do not care.  My God is my sufficiency, and I embrace His grace.  He will protect me and fight for me.  He will correct me and lead others to me to encourage me in the way I should go.

I am at peace.