tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-59406883489973700972024-03-21T22:25:46.778-06:00Thoughts Beyond TimeOne man's journey into GraceLion of Peacehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01000908705563532681noreply@blogger.comBlogger18125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5940688348997370097.post-46893692280024225682012-11-18T15:14:00.002-07:002012-11-18T21:35:29.781-07:00The Perfect Storm - Part 2Click <a href="http://thoughtsbeyondtime.blogspot.com/2012/11/the-perfect-storm-part-1.html" target="_blank">here</a> to read Part One.<br />
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I chose to make this blog post in two parts because to understand the central part of my post, I needed to recap my previous 13 months. That, and it was getting long even for one of my posts.<br />
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My attitudes toward my wife have not been very good for the last 8 years of our marriage. I had been able to suppress my frustration, resentment, anger, and bitterness better at times than at others. After HeartChange things got better for a quite a while, the weed having been cut and even burned to the ground, but the root that fed the problems had not been exposed and purged. It regenerated and came back.<br />
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An action on my part that resulted in my hurting someone else came to light this past week. I had forgotten all about the incident (as had the person I was very rude to), but I wrote her and asked for forgiveness, which she granted. She took the opportunity to point out some things in my life that she thought were not entirely kosher, and I accepted her words and admonishment. I think best in writing, so in my reply to her I was trying to explore why I had all of these negative feelings towards my wife (which is something my friend brought up), and then it hit me:<br />
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<b>Epiphany</b></div>
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I was a misogynist. But oddly enough the scope of my misogyny was limited to and focused on my wife. I have stood up for and helped console and even championed the right of women to be equal with men (in my own limited scope of impact) to the point where I thought I may be a feminist. I did not believe anything was the matter with my treatment of my wife because I never tried to control her, or prevent her from going somewhere if she wanted to go, or buy what she needed, or even get a job if she so chose. That she didn't always avail herself of the opportunities presented wasn't my problem. Or so I thought. The problems all stemmed from the hurt and pain I went through early in our marriage. Or so I thought.<br />
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In an instant I had a book's worth of information run through my mind. The attitudes and actions I displayed - they all led back to what I learned in the IFB, the Independent Fundamental Baptist church.<br />
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First, let me apologize in advance to some people who will likely not understand or realize the enormity of the problems at hand. I have no desire to hurt you. You know who you are, and I love you regardless of how things turn out after you read this.<br />
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I am going to list a number of common thoughts among different groups within in the IFB system. Many I myself never believed. Some I believed until about 3 years ago. Some I held against my wife. But here they are:<br />
<ul>
<li>Women are inherently evil.</li>
<li>Women are devious and cannot be trusted. </li>
<li>Women's minds are weak. It was woman who was deceived in the Garden of Eden, and they cannot be trusted to make right decisions.</li>
<li>Women are agents of the devil. A woman can corrupt a godly man even if the man is on his guard.</li>
<li>A woman must not be allowed to have her own personal identity. Her identity is to be found in her husband and in Christ.</li>
<li>A woman must be under the protection of a man. If she has no husband, she should live at home until such time as she marries.</li>
<li>A woman must never teach men.</li>
<li>A woman may never be in a position of authority over a man.</li>
<li>A woman may never hold any ecclesiastical office in a church. </li>
<li>Should a woman find herself in a place where she must speak to men in a church, she should announce that she is there under her husband's authority so as not to overstep her place.</li>
<li>Because women are inherently evil with weak minds prone to sin, they can only redeem themselves before God through bearing children.</li>
<li>A woman may never refuse the sexual advances of her husband. She belongs to him, and her body belongs to him.</li>
<li>A woman must always obey a man regardless of whether that man is her husband, father, pastor, or someone else in the church. God placed man in charge, and the woman's place is to obey without question. If a hierarchy is specified, the husband or pastor may be listed first, then elders in the church, her father, and so on.</li>
<li>A woman must defer to her husband's opinion on any given matter.</li>
<li>A woman must not question her husband's decisions.</li>
<li>A woman is not to challenge any interpretation of Scripture. She is to believe what her husband and her pastor teaches, with all meekness.</li>
<li>If a man has an affair, it is his wife's fault because she did not do everything she could to keep him sexually satisfied and happy.</li>
<li>If a man goes after another woman, it is the wife's fault because she did not keep her body looking appealing enough for him to desire.</li>
<li>If a woman is raped, it is her fault. She was somewhere that she shouldn't have been, or she was wearing clothing that was "provocative" in nature, and as such invited the rape, even daring men to rape her, and the man is excused because he was enticed.</li>
<li>If a woman feels any pleasure during a rape, it is no longer rape but consensual sex, and the man is excused.</li>
<li>If a woman is raped, she must have somehow subconsciously signaled to the man that she wanted sex, and therefore she is indirectly responsible for her own violation, and the man is excused.</li>
<li>If a woman has a "reputation," whether said reputation is true or not, she is responsible for her own rape and the man is excused.</li>
<li>If a child is sexually assaulted, such children were impure to begin with, and as such attracted the assault. Children who are pure are immune from sexual assault. </li>
<li>If the sexually assaulted child is an adolescent or even young adolescent woman, she invited the sexual encounter because it is well known that step-daughters, whether they know they are doing it or not, flirt with their step-fathers, and therefore the step-father is excused from raping the child.</li>
</ul>
I could add more, but I think you get the gist of what's wrong in that system. Not every church teaches this litany of filth. Some teach the more extreme items listed above, some the more mild. Some are pretty decent about it. But all of this evil. And most of these are teachings I have heard first hand from pulpits, Bible professors, chapel speakers, seminar speakers, Christian counseling mini-seminars and Bible college classrooms, and all in a co-ed setting. There are a few points which I have received second hand, but from multiple and credible first hand witnesses.<br />
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The IFB claim to elevate women and honor them, placing them on a pedestal of high honor, almost angelic in their reverence for the "pure" woman. But let one feather be perceived to be slightly out of place or her halo not quite bright enough for the most scrupulous observer, and she will be the torn down off that pedestal and forever be tarnished with a "reputation." There is such rampant depression among the women in these churches that it is epidemic. And no wonder! They live everyday of their lives being told they are worthless just for being a woman, let alone the guilt and shame heaped on them by the bully-God these churches preach. But you will never get them to admit to being depressed because to the IFB, any form of depression is a sin, a sign of not fully trusting in and relying on God, a sign that something is wrong with them spiritually.<br />
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And it doesn't matter how liberated a man feels in his view towards women. If he is in these churches and institutions and hearing these things, even in much milder form, daily, weekly, regardless of how he believes himself to be a lover of women's rights and equality, he is going to absorb some of this into his psyche. Which is exactly what happened to me. (And you might ask why I didn't leave the system sooner. Well, when you're taught that all other Christian denominations are either corrupt or compromising the Truth, there aren't too many places a guy believes he can go and remain a "good" Christian.)<br />
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I had not realized that the mistrust I bore my wife had it's roots in the IFB system. I did not know the extent to which their poison had permeated me. Having had my eyes opened, I am now mortified at what I have done to my wife for the past 8 years. I saw her as controlling, manipulating, deceiving, selfish, devious, untrustworthy, corrupting, and a tether preventing my soul from flying. And can there be any wonder I thought this given the poison seeping into my soul for all those years?<br />
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In the end, I will own my wrongful attitudes and hurtful actions towards my wife. They are mine, and mine alone. I cannot say that this one epiphany has cured me completely. Years of attitude will take a long time to heal and undo. But I have a start, a place of enlightenment where I was able to understand something about myself that I would never have known otherwise.<br />
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This storm I went through was brutal. But it led me to this epiphany. And perhaps God will show Himself again, let me see that He had always been there, that he guided The Storm so that I would come to the understanding that I did, that He protected me from the worst of it. That is why this storm was<br />
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<b>The Perfect Storm</b></div>
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Lion of Peacehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01000908705563532681noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5940688348997370097.post-10890325516745251752012-11-18T13:34:00.000-07:002012-11-18T15:17:36.943-07:00The Perfect Storm - Part 1<div style="text-align: justify;">
Many of you know that for the past 18 months, I have not done much blogging. In fact, for the past 18 months my life has been characterized by a series of intense struggles in a cyclical pattern with two dominant and alternating themes, sometimes concurrent: struggles in my marriage, and struggles with God.</div>
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About month or so out of HeartChange, I had a premonition that dark days were ahead. I had a vision of gathering storm clouds just visible on the horizon, and I knew struggles like I never knew before were imminent. It took 10 more months before the storm hit, and it gathered in intensity the entire time. </div>
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Then The Storm hit in October, 2011. </div>
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The Storm lasted 13 months. I am not proud of what happened during this time. But I can't change the past, so I will own it, learn from it, and move on. And blog about it. </div>
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No one knows how they will respond to real life issues until the moment they come face to face with the problem staring him down. Yeah, everyone says that they'll do this or never do that. Wishful thinking. There is not a person alive who is not capable of the most abominable acts given the right set of circumstances, regardless of previous convictions and bravado. </div>
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Take for example the American practice of eugenics during the 1920's. It began as a means to cull American society of its "lesser desirable" elements, a "noble" aim in the eyes of the intelligentsia of the day. There were many forced sterilizations during this time, based on IQ, physical features, family histories of deformity and disease, social class, and even skin color. In the eyes of those who created the system and implemented it, they had the noble aim of making the human race better. The consequence of these actions was mass suffering, not just within our own shores, but also in Europe. Hitler's primary source for inspiration for his murder of 10 million people were the eugenics programs in the United States. The Land of Free and the Home of Brave, where the words of Emily Lazarus echoed from shore to shore: </div>
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"... Give me your tired, your poor, Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, The wretched refuse of
your teeming shore. Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me, I
lift my lamp beside the golden door!"</blockquote>
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for many became the land of shattered dreams, the simple dreams of family and children. And we gave birth to a true monster in our pride and arrogance so that a few people could sleep well at night, deceiving themselves into believing they were acting out of the best interest for American society and the human race at large.</div>
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So don't bother arguing with me that you will never do this or that. You can, and you will, when the right set of circumstances leads you to that decision point.</div>
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<b>Landfall</b></div>
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>The leading edge of the storm started off calm enough, deceptively so. The light faded so gradually that by the time I realized I couldn't see a thing, the full fury of the storm hit. </i></blockquote>
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In mid October, 2011, I announced that I wanted to leave my wife. I felt stifled, hampered, held back, hurt, and very, very afraid. God had been silent for a while already. She had no idea this was coming. She had even thought that the year previous was the best we year yet. I blind-sided her. I talked to our pastor first, knowing he would be apposed. We went through some counseling with him and his wife for a while. It seemed to help somewhat, but it didn't change my inner-turmoil very much. God was still silent, and I didn't have much hope or faith that things would turn around.</div>
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What I was afraid of I will not touch on here. Suffice it to say I gazed into the abyss within my own soul, and something truly terrifying, sensed but unseen, watching from the lightless shadows, stared back. It blinked.</div>
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<b>Lowering Barometric Pressure</b></div>
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<i>The wind screamed like the wail of a banshee, threatening to scour away my sanity while the storm surge tried to drown me. The towering waves that rode the surge had as their singular aim my crushed corpse.</i></blockquote>
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As The Storm intensified, the pain within me grew. I began to feel like the song from Serenity, an Austrian symphonic metal band, entitled <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K9fCcc9HwE8" target="_blank">Fairytales</a>. Parts of the song resonated, though not all aspects of the song applied. But the hurt expressed in the song - that's what I felt.</div>
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There were things that happened early in our marriage that hurt me deeply. These I could not let go of, and over years of our marriage the wounds never healed, and everything that happened, every word spoken, every action taken or not taken, I viewed through the prism of that pain. I had asked God for help dealing with it over the years, and my pleas were answered with silence. I had asked him to take it away. No response. I asked for aide in overcoming it. Silence. And yet I knew that if it could not be taken care of, it would destroy my family. </div>
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In the last year God was more absent then ever before. My cries for help bounced off the heavens and back at me, their echoes seeming to make mockery of my faith.</div>
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In May, 2012, the crushing weight of the storm and the pain became unbearable. I had to talk to someone. I tried to talk to our pastor again, but he wasn't available. I was reaching critical mass, and if I could not release some pressure, I was going to snap. I would be lying if I said I had not thought of hurting myself. Debating what followed as right or wrong is now no longer an issue. What happened is in the past, and there is nothing I can do to change that.</div>
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I had no one else around here I felt I could talk to, so I went to FaceBook, in a private group, and blew off steam. To my friends in the area that may be reading this, I am sorry. My state of mind was such that I truly couldn't think straight. I said things I shouldn't have said. I characterized my wife as a monster. I trashed her. I decimated her. I destroyed her. And most of what I said, I can't even remember saying. It came out, and then it was gone, like poisonous gasses escaping from a volcano, reducing the pressure in the core, but at the cost destroying all living things nearby. </div>
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And then my wife found out about it. I prefer to think of what happened as her getting exposed to the poisonous fumes. To say she was hurt does not do justice to how she felt.</div>
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This happened again in July, when I entered a period of intense depression following a nine day hospital stay due to an accident at the dump involving a four inch rusty bolt going into my knee but not through it, rather angling down and damaging the top of my tibia. Six hours after the initial injury, an infection had set into my leg and the pain was so intense I could no longer walk. I had a high fever, alternating severe chills and sweats, and less than 24 hours after the initial injury, I found myself being transported by ambulance to the hospital, where I was admitted immediately. They put me on very heavy antibiotics, four different kinds at one point if I remember correctly. </div>
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<b>The Eye</b></div>
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<i>Sunshine. Dead calm. Too calm. No sign of life anywhere. Not even the tweeting or birds or the buzzing of insects. The sun warmed my skin through the tattered remnants of my clothes, teasing me with hope.</i></blockquote>
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Late July, maybe August, I entered a period where I seemed to do better. I can only guess that I past through the eye wall at some point. But it didn't last. The Storm merely gathered in intensity and proceeded to hit with greater strength. I came close to losing my mind. The inner pressure was so strong that I felt like I was going to be turned inside out or disintegrated. </div>
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<b>Plunging Back Through the Eye Wall</b></div>
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<i>The world went dark once again. As the last ray of daylight faded in the west, The Storm resumed it's onslaught. The counter winds ripped at what the first half of the storm had left. It didn't seem like the storm could get any worse. I was wrong.</i></blockquote>
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September saw my inner turmoil intensify. I thought I hurt before. But not like this. The first half of the storm had stripped away any shelter I had. I was wounded and raw and exposed to the elements. The best thing I could do was try to tie myself to something so I wouldn't get blown away, but I couldn't find any rope. God was still conspicuously absent. My faith was in shambles. My marriage held together only because I hadn't physically left. </div>
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I had one lucid moment in late September where I recognized the signs of impending mental break. My mood swings became increasing erratic and my job performance suffered. The smallest things would get me angry. My short term memory was all but gone. I think I was within weeks, possibly days, of snapping. And I remembered my job's Employee Assistance Program, which provided free of charge a certain amount of counseling and referrals to continued counseling if needed. I called and got plugged into a counselor very quickly. Call it providence if you want to, but guess what the name of my therapist is? Hope. Through Hope's guidance I began learning ways to constructively deal with my issues.</div>
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I also made contact with a friend of mine in Texas, and he said come on down so that I could get away for a while. This I did in mid October. I didn't care what happened at this point. I needed to get away from my wife for a while and think. My mind was such a mass of confusion that I could not objectively look at anything. He told me about his church. Miracles happened at there, he said. Literally. They had a program for people who were going through hell. I was able to attend twice. I would have gone three times, but my visit had to get cut short due to circumstances beyond all of our control. Whether a miracle happened there or not, I don't know. But going to Texas helped. A lot.</div>
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While there, though, the storm hurled all that remained of its pent up fury. One phone call from my wife resulted in my openly declaring that we were now officially separated. I had no intention of returning home at that point. Going back to the area I worked, yes, but not to my home. By the end of the week she stood down on something she said, but I still had no intention of going home. For all I was concerned, it was over. I didn't know where I was going to live, but I figured I would find some accommodations, even if it was a drafty garage. </div>
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Finally, after some pretty intense discussion and sharing with my friend, I came to the conclusion that I would return home and try again. I've been back for two weeks now, and the winds are dying down. </div>
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Where God is in all this I still don't know. Maybe He protected me through The Storm. Maybe He just watched from distance to see what I would do. I don't know. When I decided to come back, I told my friend that I still didn't know what to do with God. But I was going to try to recover the marriage, with or without Him.</div>
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<b>Daybreak</b></div>
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<i>Sometime during the night I must have passed out. I awoke to the sun rising in the east. The wind had calmed, the waves were gone, the surge had retreated, and birds were singing.</i></blockquote>
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(Click <a href="http://thoughtsbeyondtime.blogspot.com/2012/11/the-perfect-storm-part-2.html" target="_blank">here</a> to read Part Two)</div>
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Lion of Peacehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01000908705563532681noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5940688348997370097.post-54084036045689686322011-09-30T23:33:00.000-06:002011-09-30T23:33:46.875-06:00Beyond Resonable DoubtA friend of mine recently posted on his Facebook page the following quote from Plato:<br />
<blockquote><i>"We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light."</i></blockquote>I am, from what I can gather, now the official "black sheep" of the family. To some in my family I must be unredeemable. I have left the IFB (Independent Fundamental Baptist) fold, and I make no attempts to hide my displeasure with my former life and the influences therein. There are some in my family who will quietly agree with much of why I am opposed to the IFB, but they also believe that I have gone to the extreme and judge the whole based a "few" isolated bad experiences. <br />
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Well, if you read my earlier posts, I must admit to making quite a defense to distinguish between good IFB churches and bad IFB churches. However, I have come to believe that there are far fewer good ones then there are bad ones. Yes, the laws of statistics say that there must be some that are good. I will grant that. But I believe the whole system is rotten. I will now attempt to explain why I stand against the entire system.<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;"><b>Rational Numbers</b></div><br />
Fundamentalism began as a movement in the late 1800s and early 1900s as a means to counter Liberal theology, to whit the denial of miracles, the denial of the inerrancy of the Bible, the denial of the virgin birth, attacks on the deity of Christ, and attacks on the blood atonement. Classical fundamentalism, as I call it, is comprised of the following tenets:<br />
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<ol><li>The deity and virgin birth of Jesus Christ</li>
<li>The substitutionary blood atonement for sin on the cross by Jesus Christ</li>
<li>The physical death, physical burial, and physical resurrection of Jesus Christ on the third day</li>
<li>The physical and imminent return of Jesus Christ</li>
<li>The inerrancy of the Word of God, the Bible</li>
</ol>However, classical fundamentalism was to be short-lived. The 1920s saw a rise of a new kind of fundamentalist - the Social Crusader. Men like Billy Sunday and others used their crusades to preach against things and champion causes rather than proclaim the Grace of God. They mistakenly believed that targeting perceived societal ills was the best way to further the Kingdom. Unfortunately, they effectively, and perhaps unwittingly, brought about an overthrow of the core principles on which classical fundamentalism was built, the greatest pillar being purity of doctrine. Such crusading replaced the pure Word of God with the teachings of men. <br />
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Since the time when such men hijacked fundamentalism, fundamentalism began to deteriorate. Schools like BJC (Bob Jones College, later to become Bob Jones University) sprang up in the '30s. BJC was not the first, nor would it be the last. The landscape of the USA is dotted with such institutions, both large and small. Such schools were started as places to teach the Truth because it was believed that there were few schools left to provide an alternative to schools which would attempt to lead young men and women away from the paths of righteousness. But by the '50s, classical fundamentalism was long dead, and what began as institutions to counter liberalism and train men to proclaim the whole counsel of God had finished morphing into institutions which taught the counsel of man as the counsel of God. Law replaced Grace, and independent baptist fundamentalism was already long on the road in straying from the heart of God while claiming to do otherwise.<br />
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So, for the sake of argument, let me assume that, from 1950 to 2010, 1000 people per year graduated from all of the various fundamentalist colleges and universities and entered the ministry. That would mean that there are 60,000 men, trained in varying degrees of error, which occupy pulpits domestically and abroad, past and present, teaching the same doctrines of men they themselves learned. Let us also not forget the hundreds of thousands of non-ministerial graduates during this time who also learned the same, who also attend these churches, as well as multipled hundreds of thousands of souls added to these churches through proselytizing. These graduates and proselytes married, had children, and raised these children in the same environment and sent them to the same schools where these children learned the same error or a more intensified version of that error. This cycle has continued without breaking, entrapping successive generations into greater error.<br />
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The Second Law of Thermodynamics, or the Law of Entropy, states that everything deteriorates over time. The same is true in theology. Theology will deteriorate in direct proportion to the level at which man has removed his eyes from Truth. As man begins to interject more and more of his own ideas and flawed interpretations into what he calls truth, the less room there is for God, through the Holy Spirit, to guide men into His Truth. Their minds are made up, and no one, even God Himself, can tell them differently. The IFB have truly embraced <i>homo mensura</i>.<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;"><b>Compelling Testimony</b></div><br />
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Second, since <a href="http://abc.go.com/watch/2020/SH559026/VD55121488/2020-48-victims-forced-confession">THE 20/20 episode</a>, I am not sure if two weeks haven't gone by without my seeing another story from some local paper or credible news center about an IFB pastor, youth pastor, children's home worker, deacon, or whatever being arrested for sexual assault, sexual exploitation of a minor, physical abuse, or other criminal acts. The problem is not among just a few churches. There are countless hundreds who have spoken out about the abuse they suffered, from many, many different churches. Click the link to see some stats on rape from <a href="http://www.rainn.org/statistics?gclid=CNjGhrLdxqsCFUlgTAodcVYg2A">www.rainn.org</a>. <br />
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I will not call the abused victims. They are targets. The connotation of being a victim can imply that what happened to the abused had no way of being prevented, such as the victims of a tornado or earthquake. It can also run the painful risk of attributing unavoidable chance, rather than choice, to the abuser, as often seems the case. Rather, referring to the abused as targets much more cleanly assigns the blame on to the human refuse who deliberately chose to abuse the innocent. <br />
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I have read many testimonials from women and men who were sexually abused, physically abused, emotionally and psychologically abused, at these churches and church schools and other IFB parachurch organizations by men and leaders in these places, and those that found the courage to speak up were often blamed for causing it, then the matter got covered up and NEVER reported to the police. And these are not just oddball churches in the backwoods of Kentucky or the backwater swamps of Louisiana. These are often good-sized, outwardly respectable ministries with decent sized congregations and with preachers well known in their circles. <br />
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There are many churches and church schools that have an internal investigation policy to "test" the veracity of any abuse claims to protect against fraudulent claims and needless damage to the reputation of the accused and/or of the ministry, many times in contraveyance of the law which often requires immediate reporting to the authorities. My understanding is that this reporting is often required by the person who learned of the abuse. But some of these polices have an internal reporting structure which may illegally prevent the matter from reaching the police and/or child protective services because the internal "findings" side with the abuser and not the target. The target's testimony is often dismissed. The testimony of an adult is almost always taken over that of child or young person, and the target is then further punished, even abused, for "lying." There is very seldom any justice for targets while they remain in the system.<br />
<br />
Most of the targets who finally came forward to speak about the horrors they suffered at the hands of someone who was considered to be an "upstanding" member of the church have done so out of a desire to help those who are still trapped inside those hellish institutions. They gain very little in any legal sense because they often keep silent for years, even decades, and finally get the courage to speak out after the statute of limitations has run out. But they are coming forward to try to encourage those who may still be suffering, that there are those who understand, who walked in their shoes, and that there is help. For those who are still recent targets, justice may yet still be served. Those responsible for inflicting such harm on the innocent may yet be brought to justice. Even if the human debris cannot be brought to justice, the survivors can at least raise awareness and name names, and civil pressure and penalties can yet be exacted even if criminal ones cannot. <br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><b>The Sins of Sodom</b></div><br />
How does Sodom and Gomorrah come into play when talking about the IFB and reasons that I oppose them? I realize that it is relatively clear that homosexuality is something that is usually NOT attributed to the IFB. Bear with me, and all will be made clear, or at least as clear as I can make it.<br />
<br />
Let me start off by saying that I am not a homophobe. I've been around a fair number. I met one that made me sick to my stomach, but that may have been more me than him. I have met others, and know a few more, that are perfectly lovely people. I am sure I have met many, many that I never even knew what their sexual orientation was. And you know what? I really don't care.<br />
<br />
There are obvious reasons why people automatically think of homosexuality when discussing Sodom and Gomorrah. I will attempt to dispel them right now.<br />
<br />
<br />
The real sins of Sodom and Gomorrah were not homosexuality. Oh, there were certainly practitioners of it, but they were not destroyed because of it. There are greater sins than homosexuality. Ezekiel 16:49-50 states, "Behold, this was the guilt of your sister Sodom: she and her daughters had arrogance, abundant food and careless ease, but she did not help the poor and needy. 50 Thus they were haughty and committed abominations before Me. Therefore I removed them when I saw it. (NASB)"<br />
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Isaiah 1:17, in the context of God condemning Israel by comparing them to Sodom and Gomorrah, states "Learn to do good; Seek justice, Reprove the ruthless, Defend the orphan, Plead for the widow. (NASB)" This verse seems to implicate that Sodom and Gomorrah perverted justice, reveled in the ruthless, oppressed the orphan, and despised the widow.<br />
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Their gross immorality, which did included their homosexuality, was a symptom of far greater sins - pride, and the lack of love and compassion, which translates to the rejection of the sanctity of life. In Proverbs 6:16-19, the writer says "There are six things which the LORD hates, Yes, seven which are an abomination to Him: 17 Haughty eyes, a lying tongue, And hands that shed innocent blood, 18 A heart that devises wicked plans, Feet that run rapidly to evil, 19 A false witness who utters lies, And one who spreads strife among brothers. (NASB)" I don't see homosexuality in that list, unless it can be included in the wicked plans and rapid feet. I do see deceit, the intentional causation of discord, murder, excessive pride, and a ready willingness to plan and execute wickedness and evil. All of these I see as sins against a fellow bearer of the image of God, as a violation of the sanctity of life.<br />
<br />
However, all of this I do see within the greater ranks of the IFB churches and their parachurch organizations. I see those who should be protected being abused and trodden under foot. I see those in need of help being rejected. I see those in leadership protecting evildoers. I see the innocent lied about. I see rampant and malicious gossip used as a weapon of retaliation against someone who speaks up about evil in the church. I see the wicked threats of harm and horrid diatribes against those who would stand and see the church reformed. I see self-righteousness which rivals that of the Pharisees. I see the promotion of the worship of human leaders. I see the promotion of the worship of a book rather than the God who caused the writing of that book. I see incredible pride. <br />
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It was pride and the utterly self-absorbed nature of the inhabitants of Sodom and Gomorrah that drew God's wrath. <br />
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So, for whom will it go better on Judgment Day - Sodom and Gomorrah who did not have the Truth to tell them right from wrong, or for the leadership of the IFB, who have the Truth but refuse to abide by it, choosing rather to serve there own selves over the needs of others, all in the name of Truth?<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;">* * * </div><br />
<br />
I will not go so far as to say that those who are caught in the system are all inherently evil, pastors and parishioners alike. No, I am not speaking in terms of soteriology and hamartiology. I know what the Bible says about man's natural state. I speak in terms of human-human interaction. Yes, there are many evil persons within the IFB, but are they evil because they are what they are, such as sociopathic, or are they evil because they are products of a corrupt system? <br />
<br />
Perhaps a combination. The strong independent nature of the IFB, rejecting any notion of any kind of oversight and accountability, is a natural draw and breeding ground for predators. It is a safe environment for them, and since the IFB often demand absolute loyalty, unquestioned, it is easy to manipulate and coverup predatory behavior.<br />
<br />
Even though I believe there to be many sociopaths within the IFB, I believe there are far more that are merely products of a system which has been corrupted for generations. They are only behaving and acting according to the logical conclusions of what they have been taught. There are a lot of otherwise good people who say and do and believe monstrous things because they have been deceived into believing that those things are right and proper. They do not question what they have been taught because they have been taught not to question.<br />
<br />
I am not angry at people. I am angry at the system that enslaves them and holds them in spiritual bondage. I am angry at the system which seems to allow for abuse to go unchecked and unpunished. I am angry at the system which seems to breed abusers and abuse. I am angry at the blasphemy of God's wonderful name by those who claim to love and follow Him.Lion of Peacehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01000908705563532681noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5940688348997370097.post-53030811203997381552011-02-21T14:22:00.000-07:002011-02-21T14:22:29.126-07:00Some Thoughts on Marriage: Colossians 3:18-19<div id="post990">I wrote parts of this on a different venue, but I felt it needed some revision and a little expansion. No, my wife and I do not have the perfect marriage. We still have issues. But our relationship is better now than it ever has been, and we are continuing to work on it. </div><div id="post990"></div><div id="post990"><br />
I am going to present this topic in two addresses, following the progression of the text as cited in the title. I will make a direct address to the Ladies, and a separate direct address to the Men. And so, without further ado, I will plunge in and make a total fool of myself over how much I really don't know about this subject.<br />
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</div><div id="post990">Ladies, </div><div id="post990"><br />
The Greek word behind "to submit" in Colossians 3:18 means simply to obey. It does not mean absolute surrender to every whim and fancy. It does not extend to violating the Word of God. It does not say that your husband can force you to violate your conscience. It does not mean obey everyone else PLUS your husband. You do not conform to the pastor's wishes. You do not conform to the expectations of those around you. The pastor's wife does not run you. Your Sunday school teacher does not control you. The Bible teaches simple obedience to your husband. That's it.<br />
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This protects you in more ways than you may realize. For example, if your husband desires you to do something or dress in a way which does not violate your conscience or your understanding of the Word, and someone in the church or the pastor says something to you, you are absolved of all responsibility in the matter because you can point to your husband and say, "I am under my husband's authority, not yours. If you don't like it, take it up with him." And you can turn and walk away with a clear conscience and leave them sputtering into the wind. And you should not feel guilty in doing so. This is now your husband's concern, not yours.<br />
<br />
There is another aspect to the word translated as "to submit" that is absolutely beautiful. It means to append or attach, and it was used extensively to attach an amendment to a legal document or to make an attachment to a letter.* We already know from a couple of different parts of Scripture that the husband is to leave his family and cleave (cling, hold fast to) to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh (Gen 2:24; Mat 19:5; Mark 10:7-8). Where this word comes into play is that she becomes an extension of the husband. She becomes a second head and a second mind to advise and caution. She becomes a second pair of eyes to better see dangers and opportunities. She becomes another pair of arms and legs to help nurture and further the family unit as a whole. This is not demeaning in the least, but an awe inspiring picture of mutual respect and cooperation. It is the culminating view of "the two shall become one flesh." He clings to her, and she becomes part of him.<br />
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Think of it in these terms. We are engaged not only in a day to day struggle just for survival, but also in a battle that is spiritual in nature. The husband and wife are a team, a single combat unit who must survive together. The husband provides for and protects his family, but his perception is limited to the 180 degree field of vision in front of him. No man is capable of seeing everything, no matter how wise he may be. His wife has his back, looking the opposite direction, and she can tell him if there is something sneaking up from behind. She can cover the other 180 degrees that he can't see.<br />
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Why do I say it like this? Because women often have a sixth sense about their surroundings that often we men do not have. She can smell out something that just isn't right or even bad even though she may not be able to define it, and it is usually something that we as men are oblivious to. And I'm not talking about the garbage (my sniffer doesn't work very well at all. Just ask my wife). Their intuition is illogical to us men, and so we often dismiss it, but later discover that she did indeed have a valid point, a discovery made often to our own detriment, and often to the family's.<br />
<br />
Thus, the wife completes the man in a very real way. Her gentleness smooths his roughness. Her sensitivity confronts his often innocent carelessness toward her and others. Her softness tempers his hardness. However, the husband also completes the woman. His reason helps balance her emotion. His strength protects her weakness. And his love dissolves her insecurity.<br />
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Gentlemen,<br />
<br />
In the very next verse, Col. 3:19, Paul commands the husband to love his wife and not to be bitter against her. The Greek for "be not bitter" also means not to be harsh, not to be exasperated with, not to be irritated at, not to foster bitter thoughts. Clearly this verse is meant as a counter to the men so that the wife will not be taken advantage of or be oppressed.<br />
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Because our thought processes are so radically different, it is easy for us men to get irritated at you women. For me, I get irritated when my wife doesn't understand something that to me is as simple as 2+2. But to her I am asking her to find the derivative of a polynomial equation. The problem is that she has never had calculus. So her reaction would be exactly like many of you right now – "Huh?" And that is where I get exasperated and shut down the lines of communication. So, then I start thinking, "After all, how can she not 'get' something that is so simple? I gave her all the information she needs to figure it out during our conversation." The answer is simple – she doesn't think like I do. I have to consciously remember this, and it is something that I often forget.<br />
<br />
Because most of us are physically imposing, at least as far as our wives are concerned, it is easy for us men to try to force our wives into what we believe to be submission. Some even use the threat of force as leverage to force her into doing something. Fear may be a good motivator, but if fear of us is how we run our home, then we are doing something drastically wrong. Fear and respect are mutually exclusive.<br />
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We can go on an ego trip and demand ridiculous things of her, all in the name of Biblical submission, and this would be wrong. We are not to demand of her that she violate her conscience (cf. 1 Cor 8, especially vs. 12; Rom 14). She is not a servant or a slave. She is your equal before Christ, but has only been placed in a subordinate role. This does not make her inferior. <br />
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I am to love my wife, which means that I am not to demand of her something that would be humiliating, damaging, harsh, retributive, or would even take away from her identity and dignity. Biblical love is to view the other person as better than myself, and the last I read my Bible, the wife was not excluded from this. Therefore, why should I ask of her something that I myself would be unwilling to do? Why should I demand of her that which will diminish her? How can I ask of her something that will damage her? That would be treating her as a servant or even a slave, not as an equal before God. <br />
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Also, in this regard, asking or demanding a wife to consistently wear what she does not like I believe to be a degree of harshness. I am talking of prints and patterns and styles and colors and even pants. I have witnessed a young lady of the world be more modest in a pair of tight jeans than a Bible college student in a dress made of many yards of cloth. Don't misunderstand me. I am not advocating the wearing of clothing that requires the lady to pour herself into them in order to fit. I am merely saying that the way clothes are worn say volumes more than what is worn. Modesty has far more to do with attitude than with individual articles of clothing. If a lady desires to be immodest, she can project that through a potato sack which covers her head to toe and obliterates her form. "Lots, loose, and long" may sound cute and catchy, but it really is irrelevant. <br />
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We men generally live in our heads. You ladies generally live in your hearts. We men think and analyze and value function over appearance. You ladies value beauty and eye appeal, and it seems like function is often an afterthought. This not meant as condemnatory. It is only observation. There is a completely different perspective in how we view the world around us. As a result, we men can be harsh without realizing that we are by insisting that you ladies conform to our way of thinking. We would probably have less frustration in our lives if we just tried to herd cats instead.<br />
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Final Thoughts<br />
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Here's something to chew on. God does not desire us to live with a mask on. He desires honest transparency. He detests a religious culture in which people have to lie about who they are so that they can survive. That is not God's work. That is the Devil's work. This goes for both men and women, and it extends to all areas of our lives, even to dress and music. Which honors God more - my openly admitting to listening to CCM (something I am settled in my conscience as OK) or pretending that I believe CCM is bad but quietly listen to it when no one else is around? Which is living according to my convictions and which is living a lie? Another one - is it better for my wife to openly wear a pair of properly fitting jeans (which both of our consciences are clear on) than to adhere to a particular standard but secretly pine for the freedom to wear them? Which is living honestly, and which is living a lie? A pretense at spirituality is still pretense. A lie is still a lie. <br />
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Just for the record, my wife does wear jeans, and we do openly listen to CCM. However, should we have visitors that such dress/music will indeed be an issue, we will be happy to surrender that freedom during their stay. Grace is not about my demanding my rights at the expense of others. Grace is about the freedom to lay down my rights voluntarily for the benefit of my brother so that I do not cause him to sin against his conscience.<br />
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NOTES:<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">*Moulton, J. H., and G. Milligan, <i>Vocabulary of the Greek New Testament</i>, Hodder and Stoughton: London, 1930.<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial; text-transform: uppercase;"><br />
</span></span></div></div>Lion of Peacehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01000908705563532681noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5940688348997370097.post-49823230771145836252011-02-16T17:29:00.000-07:002011-02-16T17:29:54.183-07:00The Cult - Part 2 of 4To recap, a cult is defined as follows:<br />
<blockquote>A cult is any group or organization which has: </blockquote><ol><li>A centralized form of leadership that rules with unquestioned authority</li>
<li>A body of convictions, beliefs, and practices set forth boldly as "the truth"</li>
<li> A compelling presentation of the group vision to prospects that is inviting and challenging</li>
<li>A series of manipulative socializing sessions to instill psychological dependence on the group</li>
<li> A definable process of group dynamics used to unethically control and manipulate members</li>
<li>A history of abuses of authority by group leaders freely using deception and fear tactics </li>
<li>A history of psychological and spiritual abuses of group members that destroy lives</li>
</ol>I dealt with Cult Element #1 in Part 1 of 4. In this post I will deal with Elements 2 and 3. For an introduction to this thread, please read "The Cult - Part 1 of 4." <br />
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<b>Cult Element #2: A body of convictions, beliefs, and practices set forth boldly as "the truth"</b><br />
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To the average odd cult, this "truth" can come from anywhere, even from meditations on a rainbow or an acid trip. There is some really goofy stuff people adhere to for whatever reason. To the extreme Independent Fundamental Baptist, and to some extent in non-extreme churches, this "truth" takes the form of Scriptures taken out of context and twisted to mean what they never said.<br />
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Since the pastor's words have become equated with truth (see Part 1), the pastor is able to speak <i>ex cathedra</i> to his flock. This means that all pronouncements by the pastor in the course of exercising the duties of his office are equated with revealed Truth, and are therefore incontrovertible, or unquestionable. This authority is extended to any authorized ministers/evangelists outside of the church. Now, no one is going to find any IFB using the term <i>ex cathedra </i>in reference to themselves. It is a Roman Catholic doctrine describing the infallibility of the pope when speaking on matters of faith and practice so long as the pronouncement does not violate Scripture or Sacred Tradition.<br />
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Also, be aware that all such "truth" has for its foundation Western culture. The assumption is that Western culture is the only culture in which the Bible can be properly interpreted, and therefore all other cultures are to conform to the West. Many of the false teachings in these IFBx churches will fall apart outside of the North America and western Europe. <b>Remember: the Bible is a universal document, applicable to all cultures in all time periods. Any interpretation which requires one culture/time period to be the standard for Biblical exegesis will result in a flawed interpretation.</b><br />
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Such<b> </b>truth is often subjective, reflecting rather the personal preferences of the preacher more than the Word of God. If the preacher has a personal dislike for something or a pet belief, this personal preference often ends up becoming "sin" and it is proclaimed as such from the pulpit. <br />
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Consequently, righteousness becomes equated with a conformity to an external standard as set by the leadership, and Law according to man becomes the basis for a righteous standing with God instead of Grace having provided for the declaration of righteousness pronounced by God Himself on every believer. Teachings on Grace necessarily become vilified because they allow for independent thinking and the questioning of accepted norms and practices. Such questioners are then destroyed and vilified so as to prevent the Truth from contaminating more members. More about this in Part 3.<br />
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<i>Ex Cathedra</i> Example #1: It is a sin for a woman to wear pants (others would add that it is a sin for a woman to wear makeup and earrings and pretty things and have fancy hair):<br />
<blockquote>This corrupted doctrine has its roots in Deuteronomy 22:5. The reasoning is that slacks/breeches/pants are the accepted clothing of men, and therefore women should not wear them. Other verses on "modesty" are used from the New Testament to support this and even add to it the portion above in parenthesis.</blockquote><blockquote><blockquote>This false doctrine takes one aspect of the Mosaic Law and applies it to the modern church outside of the teachings of the New Testament on Grace. Doing so substitutes Grace for Law, and righteousness is gauged by an external conformity to a false interpretation of Scripture. Deut 22:5 is not so much speaking of cross dressing as to condemn role-reversals. The central thought of that verse is to understand it in terms of God detesting masculinity in women and femininity in men. </blockquote></blockquote> <i>Ex Cathedra </i>Example #2: The King James Bible is the revealed Word of God for the world today.<br />
<br />
<blockquote>There are a number of flavors in this cocktail of error. Some ascribe a second work of Grace by the Holy Spirit on to the translators so that the 1611 translation of the KJV has become the new Autographs (original text as physically penned by the author, long since perished in the depths of time. What we have now are copies). Others state that where the KJV and the original languages differ, the KJV should be used to correct the original languages. Others preach that it is not possible for God to save a soul through any Bible other than the KJV, and others go a step further and declare that any one who claims to have been lead to Christ through any Bible other than the KJV is now a two-fold child of Hell and has no hope for eternal salvation.</blockquote><blockquote>There are those among the adherents to this error who are attempting to translate the KJV into other languages. In their minds, those languages do not have the proper Word of God. God will continue to suffer the use of those inferior translations until such time as the faithful are able to bring to them a true translation.</blockquote><blockquote><blockquote>This corrupted doctrine has spawned some other corrupted teachings. One of the more notable and goofy ones involves taking some obscure statements in the KJV and "proving" that the world is flat (Isa 11:12; Rev. 7:1 - "four corners of the earth"). But this is declared as Truth in some circles because it appears that the infallible KJV teaches it.</blockquote></blockquote><br />
<blockquote><blockquote>The archaic language of the KJV has also lead to a number of minor (sometimes major) misunderstandings about what the Bible is actually saying. One of minor ones that comes to mind is in Mat 7:13-14. The word "strait" in the KJV is a middle English word meaning "difficult." </blockquote></blockquote><blockquote><blockquote></blockquote></blockquote><blockquote><blockquote>If most die hard KJV only-ists actually cared about the meaning of what they were reading, a lot of "good" sermons couldn't be preached anymore. If the people actually understood the Word for themselves, then hearts would begin to change (and the authority of the pastor would diminish). </blockquote></blockquote>In talking about the KJV, I say this carefully, the main reason I can see for the keeping of the KJV, other than a mere preference for it, is that through its archaic language the leadership can exercise more control over their congregations. The use of the KJV plays right into the hands of Cult Element #1: A centralized form of leadership that rules with unquestioned authority. Because of linguistic difficulty, the Leader is in a better place to tell his followers what he wants them to believe the text is saying.<br />
<br />
Many who are proponents of the KJV claim that it is, on average, at a 7th grade reading level. Some say it is as low as 5th grade, while others say up to 10th grade. These grade levels are derived from computer models which do not take into account archaic vocabulary and sentence structure, but only the number of syllables and overall numbers of letters in the words, as well as the overall number of different words used (about 8000 in the KJV). They site readability studies by experts, but fail to explain the difference between readability and understandability.* In contrast, Christian Book Distributors rates the KJV at a 12th grade reading level.** I believe this is a generous move on the part of CBD. I would personally rate it as collegiate or even post-collegiate, in so far as our modern age is concerned.<br />
<br />
Also consider which Bible is most common among religious cults. Which Bible do the Mormons give out? The KJV. Which Bible do the Jehovah's Witnesses compare their New World Translation to? The KJV. Which Bible is the Bible of choice for cults in general? The KJV. This is not because the KJV is a bad translation. It's surprisingly accurate given the level of Greek and Hebrew scholarship of the day. No, they choose this Bible because the plain sense of the text is now obscured to some degree by archaic English.<br />
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In addition, the language is so old that parts of it cannot be properly understood by modern man without the use of a Middle-English dictionary. I'm sorry - Websters 1828 dictionary, as holy as the KJV itself to the hard core, is inadequate to explain some of the language of the KJV. I've compared it to a Middle-English dictionary, and there are parts that fall short.<br />
<br />
The KJV is nothing more than a translation of the Word of God. The Greek and Hebrew are superior to any translation, since those are the languages in which God gave us His Word. As such, the KJV is subordinate to the original languages without exception, and it has the same shortcomings as any translation - a limitation in the conveyance of meaning from one language to another. <br />
<br />
2 Peter1:20 says, "knowing this first of all, that no prophecy of Scripture comes from someone's own interpretation." (ESV) This verse states that no teaching of Scripture is subject to the whims of individual men. God gave to us His Word, intending it to be understood plainly, and whether you have a KJV, an NKJV, an ESV, an NASB, or an NIV, you hold in your hands God's words, translated to the best of their ability by the translators.<br />
<br />
<b>Cult Element #3: A compelling presentation of the group vision to prospects that is inviting and challenging</b><br />
<br />
The presentation is not so much external as it is internal, by which I mean they often draw in members from among themselves and other churches, or from those who are new believers in Christ to begin with who do not have a church home or who are not yet anchored in their faith. There are some that are converted and go directly into the IFBx churches, but I do not believe these to be too many.<br />
<br />
The general presentation of the group is to present themselves as loving, Christ honoring, Bible believing, truth protecting, sin hating, fellowship minded believers who are doing the Lord's work and awaiting His return. They present themselves as standing true to the Word of God. <br />
<br />
To the good Christian looking for a good church home, this is a compelling presentation. The challenge given is to live a righteous life, but the righteous life so defined becomes a laundry list taboos and accepted behaviors. Any deviation by the members from this "righteous life" is met with manipulation and guilt tactics to bring them back into line with group thinking. More on this in Part 3.<br />
<br />
The ones traditionally most recruited into the IFBx churches have been the children of members. These grow up listening to the dogma, attend schools which reinforce the error they've learned, and graduate from Bible colleges and universities which espouse the same. These are usually not presented with any other view points, or if they are, they are presented with such slanted views that everything else looks absurd or wrong. <br />
<br />
<br />
There is hope for these young people, however. I don't remember where I ran across it, but I recently encountered a statistic which seems to indicate that many of these children are leaving the extreme church in large numbers. The internet has done wonders for the dissemination of Truth, and with the internet now available almost universally, the young people have access to real Truth and are better equipped to see through the fallacies of extreme fundamentalism. Whether they are seeking for Truth or fed up with religion, either is preferable to them remaining within the extreme environment. Either way, once a person leaves the cult environment, God is better able to grab their souls and show them what Truth really is.<br />
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NOTES:<br />
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*<a href="http://www.av1611.org/kjv/kjv_easy.html">http://www.av1611.org/kjv/kjv_easy.html</a><b> </b>An IFBx site. A note to consider when perusing this site - Readability is not the same as Understandability. The KJV may indeed have a higher score on readability. It is very easy on the eyes and it has a majestic cadence which lends itself to reading with ease. This should be contrasted with the truth that simply being able to read something does not mean that it is easily understandable. I can read Spanish, German, Latin, and other languages with ease, but I don't understand most of what I am reading because I do not know them very well, if at all.<br />
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**<a href="http://www.christianbook.com/Christian/Books/cms_content?page=652502&sp=1003">http://www.christianbook.com/Christian/Books/cms_content?page=652502&sp=1003</a> <br />
<blockquote><blockquote><table border="1" cellpadding="8"><tbody>
<tr><td bgcolor="#ccccff" colspan="2"><strong><span style="color: #34679a;"><strong><span style="color: #34679a;"> <h3>Bible Translation By Grade Level</h3></span></strong></span></strong></td> </tr>
<tr valign="top"> <td> <table bgcolor="#ffffcc" border="0"><tbody>
<tr bgcolor="#ccccff"> <td colspan="3"> <table border="0"><tbody>
<tr> <td width="50"><small><strong>Translation</strong></small></td> <td width="30"> </td> <td style="text-align: center;" width="50"><small><strong>Grade Level</strong></small> </td> </tr>
</tbody> </table></td> </tr>
<tr valign="top"> <td width="50"><a href="http://www.christianbook.com/html/static/KJVNL.html/1181351596">KJV</a></td> <td width="30"> </td> <td align="right" width="50">12 </td> </tr>
<tr valign="top"> <td bgcolor="#ffffcc" width="50"><a href="http://www.christianbook.com/Christian/Books/cms_sp/1181351596?sp=65188">RSV</a></td> <td width="30"> </td> <td align="right" width="50">12 </td> </tr>
<tr> <td width="50"><a href="http://www.christianbook.com/html/static/NASNL.html/1181351596">NASB</a></td> <td width="30"> </td> <td align="right" width="50">11 </td> </tr>
<tr> <td bgcolor="#ffffcc" width="50"><a href="http://www.christianbook.com/html/static/NRSVNL.html/1181351596">NRSV</a></td> <td width="30"> </td> <td align="right" width="50">11 </td> </tr>
<tr> <td width="50"><a href="http://www.christianbook.com/html/static/ESVNL.html/1181351596">ESV</a></td> <td width="30"> </td> <td align="right" width="50">10 </td> </tr>
<tr> <td bgcolor="#ffffcc" width="50"><a href="http://www.christianbook.com/html/static/NIVNL.html/1181351596">NIV</a></td> <td width="30"> </td> <td align="right" width="50">7-8 </td> </tr>
<tr> <td bgcolor="#ffffcc" width="50"><a href="http://www.christianbook.com/html/static/HCSBNL.html/1181351596">HCSB</a></td> <td width="30"> </td> <td align="right" width="50">7-8 </td> </tr>
</tbody> </table></td> <td style="vertical-align: top;"> <table bgcolor="#ffffcc" border="0"><tbody>
<tr bgcolor="#ccccff"> <td colspan="3"> <table border="0"><tbody>
<tr> <td width="50"><small><strong>Translation</strong></small></td> <td width="30"> </td> <td style="text-align: center;" width="50"><small><strong>Grade Level</strong></small></td> </tr>
</tbody> </table></td> </tr>
<tr> <td bgcolor="#ffffcc" width="50"><a href="http://www.christianbook.com/Christian/Books/cms_sp/1181351596?sp=110956&event=1003MTRN%7C652502%7C1003" title="Common English Bible">CEB</a></td> <td width="30"> </td> <td width="60">7 </td> </tr>
<tr> <td width="50"><a href="http://www.christianbook.com/html/static/NKJVNL.html/1181351596">NKJV</a></td> <td width="30"> </td> <td width="50">7 </td> </tr>
<tr> <td bgcolor="#ffffcc" width="50"><a href="http://www.christianbook.com/html/static/NLTNL.html/1181351596">NLT</a></td> <td width="30"> </td> <td width="50">6 </td> </tr>
<tr> <td bgcolor="#ffffcc" width="50"><a href="http://www.christianbook.com/Christian/Books/cms_content/1181351596?page=202133&sp=108004">GW</a></td> <td width="30"> </td> <td width="50">5 </td> </tr>
<tr> <td width="50"><a href="http://www.christianbook.com/html/static/MSGNL.html/1181351596">Message</a></td> <td width="30"> </td> <td width="50">4-5 </td> </tr>
<tr> <td bgcolor="#ffffcc" width="50"><a href="http://www.christianbook.com/html/static/NCVNL.html/1181351596">NCV</a></td> <td width="30"> </td> <td width="50">3 </td> </tr>
<tr> <td width="50"><a href="http://www.christianbook.com/html/static/NIRVNL.html/1181351596">NIRV</a></td> <td width="30"> </td> <td width="50">3</td></tr>
</tbody></table></td></tr>
</tbody></table></blockquote></blockquote>Lion of Peacehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01000908705563532681noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5940688348997370097.post-89327463142591617472011-01-26T14:46:00.000-07:002011-01-26T14:46:38.899-07:00The Cult - Part 1 of 4When I began considering this post, I wanted to make certain I understood precisely what a cult is. I scoured the web looking for definitions. I looked at legal definitions, dictionaries, and searched through the FBI website. What I found is that there are a variety of meanings depending on one's outlook. I found the best comprehensive treatment of the definition of the word "cult" <a href="http://www.blogger.com/goog_143131489">here</a><a href="http://www.spiritwatch.org/cultdef.htm"> at www.spiritwatch.org/cultdef.htm</a>. But before I get into what I am going to say, let me first mention the four primary outlooks for defining a cult (from spiritwatch.org):<br />
<br />
<ol><li><b>Journalistic </b>- tends to be sensational [examples could include Waco and Ruby Ridge]</li>
<li><b>Theological </b>- based on a standard of orthodox truth</li>
<li><b>Sociological </b>- describes groups that self-consciously oppose the mainstream of culture</li>
<li><b>Psychological </b>- based on a standard of psychological manipulation and coercion</li>
</ol>To some the definition of a cult includes that it is small and/or on societal fringes. If this is the case, then Mormons would not be considered a cult because of their size and influence. Neither would the Church of Scientology or the Christian Science people. But, the Amish could be because they are in small groups, shut themselves out of mainstream culture, and exert little influence on society at large. Clearly, the Amish are fairly benign. I have heard them mocked or considered to be strange and goofy, but never accused of being a cult in the way most people consider a cult to be.<br />
<br />
We also have the expression "cult following" to describe a group of very loyal fans or devotees of something or someone or some group. The expression by no means is designed to imply that those in the "cult following" are actually cult members. For example, among Catholics, various saints and Mary have a cult following. These devotees are still considered Catholics by the Catholic Church itself.<br />
<br />
Cults come in all shapes and sizes. There are relatively benign cults, and there are very militant cults. There are truth cults and there are apocalyptic cults. Thus, a better definition than just the dictionary is needed in figuring out what a cult is, and is it dangerous.<br />
<br />
For the purposes of this post, and all follow-up posts, I will default to the definition as outlined in spiritwatch.org. The following list of seven elements of a cult are from an amalgamation of principles set forth by Dr. Paul Martin and Steve Hanson, both well known experts on cults. All the credit goes to spiritwatch.org for the wording and compilation of this list:<br />
<blockquote>A cult is any group or organization which has: </blockquote><ol><li>A centralized form of leadership that rules with unquestioned authority</li>
<li>A body of convictions, beliefs, and practices set forth boldly as "the truth"</li>
<li> A compelling presentation of the group vision to prospects that is inviting and challenging</li>
<li>A series of manipulative socializing sessions to instill psychological dependence on the group</li>
<li> A definable process of group dynamics used to unethically control and manipulate members</li>
<li>A history of abuses of authority by group leaders freely using deception and fear tactics </li>
<li>A history of psychological and spiritual abuses of group members that destroy lives</li>
</ol>Further, cults are not limited to fringe groups. They can and are found among those people and assemblies most people would not necessarily consider to be cults. <br />
<br />
So, where am I going with this? Some of you have already guessed. If I haven't made enemies up to now with my various postings, I am about to do so. Based on the criteria set forth, I am going to submit that extreme Independent Fundamental Baptist groups are nothing less than cults.<br />
<br />
I am not accusing every IFB church of being a cult. There are good IFB churches out there. Though many are guilty of fostering a graceless environment, while unbiblical and sad, that in and of itself is not enough to denounce them for being a cult. No, the cult aspect comes into play in the extremism many foster.<br />
<br />
<b>Cult Element #1: A centralized form of leadership that rules with unquestioned authority</b><br />
<br />
The Independent Fundamental Baptist church finds itself more prone to this type of problem simply from the standpoint of it being independent. As such, each church is accountable only to itself, and there is no outside accountability except for the rare and loose church associations of like minded ministers who understand the importance of accountability. However, the effectiveness of these are limited to the honesty and integrity of the pastors involved. The effectiveness is further reduced by the nature that these associations are loose and voluntary and hold no real power or authority to forcibly remove a fellow minister from office.<br />
<br />
Attempts at internal accountability and checks and balances are made, most commonly through a board of deacons, who often both call the pastor and have authority to dismiss him. Aside from the numerous problems this arrangement poses, the ambitious pastor can influence the selection of deacons so as to have greater influence over the decisions of the board. Should this happen, then it is all but impossible to remove a sitting pastor.<br />
<br />
Once entrenched, such a pastor, backed by a corrupted deacon board, will systematically begin the elimination of opposition. The majority of the sheep will most likely blindly follow him, because he will not exert full authoritarian control overnight, giving him time to slowly brainwash the sheep. Should any members of the church or deacons question him, depending on the type and amount of questioning, various degrees of pressure are placed on the identified "trouble maker." This can take the form of anything from a private talk to open humiliation and false accusations to public defamation, and in really extreme cases, vandalism, physical assault, and even death threats. Such individuals, if he/she can be persuaded to "drink the cool aide," are restored to fellowship but carefully watched. All others are often driven out of the church, and the remainder of the congregation commanded to have no further dealings with them.<br />
<br />
When such a pastor senses that the time is right, he will begin to consolidate his power. This can take the form of evangelists or other respected pastors brought in to preach on the authority of the pastor, or even the pastor himself conducting a "Bible study" to this effect. However it is done, the result is that the sheep are taught that the pastor is the sole authority on matters of faith and practice, and he alone is the final arbiter on what the Bible really teaches. His authority and accuracy from the pulpit cannot be questioned. He will bully the congregation from the pulpit, and the sheep are afraid to stand up for themselves because the pastor makes it sound like God is on his side, and to defy the pastor is to defy God. He may even come up to individuals and tell them that God told him to tell them to do something. Because he is seen as a man of God and of the Word, worthy of respect and obedience, he will not be questioned, or at least those so confronted will be afraid to question him.<br />
<br />
Because such a pastor has no check to his power, his abuses may grow, which can including moral lapses, some of which may also be against the law, and in many cases he will be able to mount a defense, either from the Bible, or through a sob story on how he is able to excuse his actions. He will beg for forgiveness with tears for any moral lapses in judgment, and when he is restored to his position as pastor, he will be emboldened all the more in his excesses. <br />
<br />
Not all such pastors have an agenda, nor are they all morally lapse. I know of some once good men who have been influenced over the years by a poor choice in friends or conferences, and slowly became authoritarian. Others are taught in Bible college of the authoritarian nature of the pastor. Most authoritarian pastors are merely dictatorial and not morally corrupt. <br />
<br />
However, one of the greatest injunctions from a human standpoint I have against such authoritarianism from pulpit is that it draws to that church other men of like mind, who rule their homes with an iron fist. It is among such followers where the greater degree of moral degeneracy can be found, whether it be alcoholism, physical - emotional - psychological abuses, or sexual immorality to include pornography and affairs, and even pedophilia. Such abuses, if discovered in these cult churches, are often swept under the rug or outright defended by others in the church, including the pastor.<br />
<br />
Now to consider this matter from the Word of God. I use the ESV, by the way.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">Matt 20:25-28 (cf. Mark 10:42-45)</div><div style="text-align: center;">1 Timothy 3</div><div style="text-align: center;">2 Timothy 2</div><div style="text-align: center;"> </div><div style="text-align: center;">Titus 2, 3</div><br />
The Word puts considerable constraints on pastoral authority. He is to be a servant leader who rightfully divides the Word to his charges and feeds them what they require, not what they desire. The pastor is not given the authority to compel any sheep, but to lead them willingly. He is not to seek inordinate gain from his position, but accept the position with a proper humility, not forgetting that he himself is under the authority of Christ and His Word. The pastor is not to be a dictator to his congregation, benevolent or otherwise, but he is to lead by example and exhort his charges to godly living and good works. The pastor has been given authority in spiritual matters and a corresponding responsibility, seeing as he will give an account to Christ for the discharge of his duties and for the state of his flock.<br />
<br />
I take exception to the thought which appears to be a premise among some that a pastor is always working in accordance with God's will and the congregation is the one who resists the work of the Holy Spirit when a problem arises. This premise is false. The pastor is also prone to error, and because of spiritual pride he is the one more likely to resist the Holy Spirit.<br />
<br />
I do not believe that the pastor should be a puppet and a "yes man." No church should have the right to dictate to the pastor what is and is not to be proclaimed from the pulpit, save that it be nothing less than the "whole counsel of God," but godly and learned men in the congregation should hold the pastor accountable, confronting him if necessary, and they should be the ones to begin the process of dismissing an errant and unrepentant pastor should such a desperate and heartbreaking need arise.<br />
<br />
No person or church should ever build around any person a personality cult. Our loyalty is to Christ alone, not to a mere mortal. Should that mere mortal and the Word of Christ differ, Christ should be followed without exception, regardless of earthly consequences. In order for this to transpire, the people must be in the Word and know what it says and means, hence the importance of a godly pastor/teacher, and an inner drive in the congregation much akin to that of the Bereans. Without a knowledge of the Word, the people will fall for every wind of doctrine, and the church will lose its efficacy and be prone to being taken over by the Enemy of our souls.<br />
<br />
<ol></ol>Lion of Peacehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01000908705563532681noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5940688348997370097.post-14417124414723745942011-01-15T16:39:00.000-07:002011-01-15T16:39:05.980-07:00When the Darkness BitesI fell asleep fairly quickly that night. When I awoke I thought I was in a scene from Robin Cook's medical thriller <i>Coma</i>. I was laying down on my back, my legs straight, my feet together and pointing up, my arms fully extended and neatly tucked against my side, my head positioned perfectly on a pillow. Only there was no pillow, and I wasn't laying on anything. I was suspended in mid-air. I do not know what was below me or above me or around me. I don't know how far of a drop I would have had could I have known it. All I could see was a gray mist. Only a gray mist. The mist wasn't cold, and it wasn't wet. It just was. And then a gentle breeze blew on me for a moment. I can only describe it as like a comet made up of a dense mass of air moving through the mist. I say this because a moment later another one brushed me from a different direction. I was curious as to what was going on, and then my curiosity slowly turned horror, and horror to dread as more and more of these air-comets flew by me, around me, through me. I knew what they were. Spirits. Unfriendly spirits. Evil spirits. In a word, demons. I was powerless. I couldn't move. I couldn't escape. And I tried to scream, the only time in my life where I was truly in such terror that I needed to scream. Nothing came out. My heart was pounding faster than if I had just tried to run a mile. I knew I couldn't speak, but I knew that God knew my thoughts. I cried out for Him to help me, to save me from this horror. No sooner had I thought it than a large pair of hands came down from above and cupped under me. The air-comets instantly stopped, and all around me was only calm. The hands lifted me up through the mist and into perfect darkness, and then back up into my own body. As I opened my eyes, I discovered that I was laying in bed the exact way I was suspended in the mist. The blanket, sheets, and pillows were all neat, everything with perfect angles and no wrinkles, as if the bed had been made and not slept in. But here I was in the bed, as if I had been brought up into from below. I felt only peace and security. All fear was gone, and moments later I fell back into a peaceful sleep.<br />
<br />
The Bible does not say much about the ways of our Enemy, such as the details in how he works and the ruination he brings on lives. The Bible is not a book of darkness, but of light. It was wise for God to not tell us much, but what He did reveal to us is sufficient. The Bible well warns us to be wise concerning what is good and innocent concerning what is evil (Romans 16:19). The reason for this is because we become what we gaze at. If we stare at evil long enough, we will be influenced by it. But, if we gaze at our Beloved, we will be more like Him, and we will know the workings of the Enemy when we come across them.<br />
<br />
A good example of this is from The Lord of the Rings. The five wizards in Tolkien's world (Gandalf, Saruman, Radagast, and two others who were never named) were not mortal. They were good spirits sent from Valinor (similar to Heaven) to Middle-Earth as guides of men. Wise and strong, they voluntarily surrendered their glory and vast powers and agreed to bind themselves in human form. They retained their immortality, and though they knew many things they were not omniscient. They could be surprised just like any other mortal, and they had free will like any other mortal. The greatest, and therefore head, of these wizards was Saruman. I am a bit hazy on when Saruman began studying the Ring, but I believe it was about the time that Isuldur cut it from Sauron's finger. The ring was a thing of evil, having within itself the very life essence of Sauron, the Dark Lord. As Saruman began studying the Ring, he had to focus on a lot of evil in order to understand how it was made. Such dark learning slowly corrupted Saruman's mind until in the end he became the very thing he set out to destroy. What once was good in Saruman turned to evil, and his end (different from the movie) is as tragic as it is lonely.<br />
<br />
I said all that to say this: Do not research the doings of our Enemy. Study Christ. Learn Christ. Gaze on Christ, and when you encounter the counterfeit and villainy of the Enemy, you will know it, and then run to Christ for shelter. The study of evil is subtle and seductive. Do not indulge in it. Flee from it. Purpose in your heart to know only Christ and His Truth. I cannot say this enough. Keep away, far away, from ANYTHING which remotely even smells of the Occult. It can suck you in and entrap you in ways that you will not even recognize. It places velvet chains around your heart which feel luxurious to the touch, but harden to adamant in an instant. The knowledge flatters your pride, then enslaves you.<br />
<br />
I approach this topic with fear and prayer. I do not wish to make anyone curious and go off and look into the things I looked into, but I must say something to warn you good people not to travel my road. O God, protect those who read this, and may the sincerity with which I write be evident, and may they take my warnings to heart, and shy away from forbidden knowledge. Amen.<br />
<br />
If this topic fills you with fear, then please stop reading now. My opening paragraph would have made my skin crawl if I was the one reading this instead of writing it. I will not be insulted, nor will I look down on you, if you cannot finish this post. I would rather you look away than bring harm to yourself. Somethings to follow could cause nightmares to those who are susceptible to such. I do not wish to overstate what I am saying here, but I also desire to be perfectly clear that I would rate this post as an R.<br />
<br />
My night time experience, as I opened my blog with, happened while I was a junior in high school. I was researching witchcraft for my junior term paper on the Salem witchcraft trials of the 1690s. I had been exposed to some Occultic elements prior to this, but now having researched it, I found it to be not as "bad" as I had been led to believe. Or so I thought in my pride. The secret is that the Enemy makes evil look "not so bad" or even quite innocent. The materials I read convinced me that the threat was overrated, and so I was emboldened to dig deeper. Oddly enough, I didn't do anything else with the Occult until Bible college. The information just sat there, putting down roots, and continually growing and deceiving me.<br />
<br />
During Bible college, which is IFB, I began going deeper. I understood from my Biblical background that all supernatural activity associated with the Occult was Satanic in origin. Men (and women) were empowered by demons to do astounding feats. I no longer cared. During the day and evenings I studied for my Bible exams and learned my Bible verses. But when I could steal a moment I meditated on Occult themes. I read materials in the school library. I read accounts about ancient Babylon. I developed a sense for spirits. I began to know where some spirits were and what direction they were traveling, or if they were in the room.<br />
<br />
And I began to gain power. At times raw power coursed through me, and I became addicted to its feeling. I could walk through the dorms and send guys who could snap me in two scrambling out of my way just by looking into their eyes. I saw genuine fear in those eyes. And. I. Loved. It.<br />
<br />
I wanted more power. I knew spells and potions were nothing but words and gimmicks, crutches for the weak. I had set myself on the path to becoming a warlock of the first degree. Twice I walked out into the woods to give myself over to the Devil. In full knowledge of what that would mean to me, including my eternal fate, I sought more power to my own destruction. I was willing to remove myself voluntarily from the Grace of God forever.<br />
<br />
(long breath. exhale. pause)<br />
<br />
But God was not willing. On both occasions He stopped my mouth. I could not utter the words. They echoed in my mind, but they never made it to my tongue. On these occasions I look back and see clearly God's intervention. And may He be praised ever more for preventing me from making such a mistake. On April 19, 1996, at 17:15 on a Friday, God reached down and saved my soul.<br />
<br />
Some things in my life changed, but not all. My active ties to the Occult were severed instantly, but the chains which bound me were still there. I tried to seek help and went for counseling, but I wasn't taken seriously. In that IFB environment, I had no concept of the Grace of God after salvation. I was actually told by my counselor that everything bad in my life, or would go bad in my life, I could blame on my Occultic involvement. What I heard was that there was no hope for someone like me. He did not offer me hope I so desperately needed. He offered blame-shifting. I tried to take ownership of my problems and was told to blame something else. I never went back to him. Who was my counselor? Only one of the vice presidents of the college and dean of the Christian counseling department.<br />
<br />
After my salvation, I really became disquieted in my spirit there, and now I understand why. My spirit was suffocating under a graceless burden of laws. I flunked the next three semesters for various reasons (the last one I was so ill for 8 weeks that I couldn't study, and I was not allowed to see a doctor), and I was asked not to return (I recently inquired about going back, but was actually discouraged from doing so because the requirements under which I would have been allowed back would have been so draconian that even the head of admissions recommended that I not return.)<br />
<br />
When I left Bible college, I immersed myself in Dungeons & Dragons (I've touched on this in regard to another issue in my post "A Struggle of Life and Death"). It consumed me for a decade. I played with whomever I could whenever I could, and through work I ended up in a group that smoked pot and drank. They new I didn't do any of that, and they were a good bunch in the sense that they didn't force anything onto me or even ask me if I wanted any. They showed me respect and acceptance for who I was as I was, and those unsaved young men showed me more Grace and what it means to Love Biblically than many who name the precious name of Jesus.<br />
<br />
Though my involvement in Dungeons & Dragons may in and of itself not have been Occultic, there is a darkness inherent in that gaming system. There are supplemental materials which can turn even the strongest stomach, and there are whole volumes focusing solely on evil. My involvement certainly didn't help my bondage any. Nothing peculiar happened in any game session I was in, but I've heard of some hair raising happenings. (And, FYI, Jack Chic is completely wrong in his little comic book portrayal of D&D. Just thought I'd mention that.)<br />
<br />
Other dark areas of interest to me included medieval torture methods, and vampires. I researched these for a long time, especially vampires, at least since high school. Vampires are a dark topic, and I will say no more on it other than it is godless, and please stay away. You don't want to go down that road. Trust me. I've been there.<br />
<br />
I also began hearing voices. Voices telling me to do horrible things to people. Voices blaspheming God. Voices telling me to take my own life. Voices telling me that I wanted to let go of my sanity and go mad. Yes, I fought off madness. Twice. The spiritual oppression under which I found myself was so strong that I thought it was my own depravity. I thought all of these evil thoughts and wicked imaginings were coming from my own desperately wicked heart. I fought depression through this because I had no hope. I believed I was wicked because that is what the Bible says about me, right? I mean isn't that what Romans chapter 3:10-12 says? - "As it is written: "None is righteous, no, not one; no one understands; no one seeks for God. All have turned aside; together they have become worthless; no one does good, not even one." (ESV)<br />
<br />
That had been hammered into me since high school. When all I hear is that I am evil, wicked, vile, and worthless, and nothing about Grace, Love, and Worth after salvation, then what am I supposed to believe? I hated myself over my depravity and inability to change. I hated myself because I was stuck and couldn't get out.<br />
<br />
Here is where I am really going to give your theology a run for its money. I do not believe that any devil can possess a child of God. I believe that the Bible is clear that a child of God is already a dwelling place of the Holy Spirit, and that there is no place for any demon or devil physically within a child of God. So, having said that, I will tell you what has happened to me. <br />
<br />
On more than one occasion, at least twice that I can recall, I have lost all conscious control of my right arm. I had images pop into my head of horrible atrocities committed against a person or persons, and my right arm began to move of its own accord to fulfill these images. On both occasions I made the muscles in my right arm scream from the strain of keeping my arm in check, and I grasped my right wrist with my left hand so tightly that my bones hurt. I was physically shaking from the effort of fighting my own arm. I begged God for strength, and God granted strength and victory.<br />
<br />
The demons were toying with me. I know. They couldn't possess me, but they could influence me. They could try to drive me mad. They could move parts of my body around from outside of me, much like a child plays with a doll. I lived in fear that one day I would lose control and hurt my family, my wife and kids. Yes, this happened after I was married for a while.<br />
<br />
I finally found deliverance one day, or night rather. Dr. Erwin Lutzer was speaking on Seven Snares of the Believer's Life, which was a series of messages from his book <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Seven-Snares-Enemy-Erwin-Lutzer/dp/0802411649/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1295128725&sr=8-3"><i>Seven Snares of the Enemy</i></a>. I was on night shift, shuttling engines and racks back and forth from the Caterpillar plant to the warehouse, and I would listen to Christian radio. I didn't usually get to listen to him much because I was usually doing something at that time which required me to be out of my truck. This time he was speaking on the Occult, and I begged God to allow me hear the messages. I don't know if you have ever heard his broadcast "Running to Win," but it comes on for fifteen minutes, five days per week, with a recap at the beginning from the previous segment. So for me to be able to hear his messages for three or four days in a row was a minor miracle, and God worked it out. <br />
<br />
I discovered that I was chained by the Occult, and the blood of Jesus set me free on the last night of the messages. Instantly I knew what I had to do, but I put it off because I was working 80+ hours a week and didn't have time. And then one night at work, about 4 weeks later at 00:42, I received a phone call from my wife. The couch just moved, and she was sitting on it quietly when it moved. I went home immediately. I knew what had happened. I walked all around the house to make sure all was secure. It was. I went inside and checked every closet, nook, and cranny. I even opened the fridge and pantry. Nothing. So, I went into my office, turned on my computer, and began writing what turned into a three page letter while I processed the information (I will write to think through a deep issue). We had a demon in the house. While I was doing this I sensed that presence come in through my office door. It moved towards me and entered my body. My skin got icy cold where it made contact, and I had chills, but just in the outline of where the spirit entered me. I prayed, I plead the blood of Jesus, and I commanded the spirit to leave in Jesus name, and never to return. I then felt the spirit leave my body the same way it entered, and then it was gone.<br />
<br />
The next day I gathered all of the Dungeons & Dragons stuff I could find, and I burned them all. A couple of weeks earlier I had found a book, but when I went looking for it to burn it, I couldn't find it. Thinking I had simply misplaced it I thought no more on the matter until we moved, where I found it in a box which was buried in the back of a stack of boxes five high and three deep, a box which had not been opened since we moved there, a box which was still taped shut and sealed. Some entity had moved that book and some related material into that other box.<br />
<br />
It was after this that I began listening to many, many sermons on my iPod. I listened to well over 500 hours of sermons and chapel messages from non-IFB churches and seminaries, and that is when I began to understand Grace.<br />
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Some time after this I decided to test the waters, so to speak. I still had a really strong desire to play D&D, and so I indulged and thought maybe a D&D video game would be OK. I purchased a used one and played it, and I had a blast. It was a fix for an addict, and I was euphoric. Until I went to sleep that night. That night I was tormented by numerous demons all night long until my alarm clock went off in the morning (these were red and emaciated and grotesque looking, with long leathery wings and long sharp claws and hideous teeth). After work that game went back to the store and I exchanged it for another. I have been torment free ever since. And my desire to play D&D has seriously waned after this incident. I still struggle with twinges of desire, but God has given me the grace to fight them.<br />
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And then we moved, and now we are here, in a Grace filled church. I have been through HeartChange, and I know God in ways that before I could never have imagined.<br />
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The toxins of the enemy are being slowly purged from my system. I can't get the image out of my mind of receiving an injection of Grace, and then these green, poisonous vapors start oozing from my pores and evaporate into nothingness. A bit nerdy, I know.<br />
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The Enemy is subtle, and very powerful. But he is still a created being who will ultimately be forced to bow to his Creator. Jesus has already conquered him, and now he is throwing a tantrum. He knows he is doomed, and he seeks to take as many with him as he can. He is not to be underestimated. But God is stronger, and His power will see you through. His power will free you. For the Word of God says in 1 John 4:4b ". . . for he who is in you is greater than he who is in the world." (ESV)<br />
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Listen, my friends. There is hope for you as well. God reached down and gave me a single sliver of hope, and a hint of His love and of greater things, and it was a lifeline to me. It was a single, small shaft of light which let me see one step, and then another, toward my Beloved. He broke my chains. He renewed my heart. He gave me Grace and Love and Mercy and every good thing. He can do the same for you. Dare to trust Him, and see what He can do for you!<br />
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Let the Love of our Beloved rain down upon you. May His mercy enshroud you. May His Grace overflow in your heart and soul. God in God, my friends. You are loved beyond measure.Lion of Peacehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01000908705563532681noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5940688348997370097.post-56542817527272766912011-01-02T17:24:00.001-07:002011-01-03T14:54:58.281-07:00Grace ExposedYou've heard the jokes about Rednecks. Here are couple for old time's sake.<br />
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You might be a Redneck if:<br />
<ul><li>the people on Jerry Springer remind you of your neighbors.</li>
<li>you can't marry your sweetheart because it would be against the law.</li>
<li>you can change the oil in your pickup without ducking.</li>
<li>your grandfather is also your uncle and your brother-in-law. </li>
<li>you've been divorced and remarried three times but still have the same in-laws.</li>
<li>you stare at an orange juice container because it says "concentrate"</li>
<li>anyone in your family died after saying, "Hey! Watch this!"</li>
<li>you think that Dom Perignon is a mafia leader.</li>
</ul> Does all this have a point? Yes.<br />
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Grace is dangerous. Grace is scandalous. Grace is uncomfortable. Grace rocks the boat. Grace challenges autocracy. Therefore, Grace must be demonized, vilified, and not allowed in our churches.<br />
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(silence) Would you go to a church which preached that? Probably not. But the truth is that many churches teach this, not directly from the pulpit, but by example and omission.<br />
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What has happened in our churches since the late 1940s and early 1950s is cultural isolation. The churches from that era saw trends in the culture and decided to build doctrinally sound guidelines to protect themselves and their young people from being corrupted. This practice began a dangerous trend of neglecting to teach the Biblical principles of Grace, Love, and Expediency. Guidelines became rules, and rules became law, and the same teachings circulated so much throughout these churches that the doctrines became incestuous. The churches withdrew from the world and praised each other for standing strong in the faith while denouncing anyone who sought to remain culturally relevant.<br />
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Yes, I know what I am saying. Many of our churches have become spiritual trailer parks, the members spiritual Rednecks and trailer trash (no offense meant if you happen to live in a trailer. Been there, done that). We now have a fourth generation growing up in churches where the spiritual gene pool has been long since exhausted. They fellowship only among themselves and other approved churches who see things exactly as they do. They only marry among themselves or other like minded people because no one else is "safe." They produce more and more spiritual "freaks" because in their paranoia they must demonize anyone who does not think as they do, and so there is no fresh thinking. Only stagnation. Their doctrines have become inbred and grossly exaggerated. There is no check to their influence because it is not permitted to question their moral superiority, doctrinal purity, or spiritual authority.<br />
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I remember the massive uproar over Charles Swindoll's book "The Grace Awakening." Oh how that book was vilified and, metaphorically speaking, effigies of Swindoll were burned. The main argument I remember hearing against the work was that teaching Grace would cause many believers to cast off all restraint and do whatever they pleased, even sin without guilt, resulting in the abuse of the Grace of God.<br />
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(pause) What happens when people are allowed to think for themselves? What happens when people are allowed make their own decisions? They begin to grow. Abraham Lincoln said that "you <span class="body">cannot build character and courage by taking away a man's initiative and independence." In churches where everything is predetermined for the follower, where the pastor makes the rules and the flock are expected to obey without question, the people are not allowed to think for themselves. They are not allowed to have their own opinion. In these churches, Grace has been excommunicated.</span><br />
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What am I saying? I am saying that Grace becomes the enemy because Grace will radically challenge the status quo. Grace affords the individual believer the freedom to live before God according to Scripture and the dictates of his conscience. This means that someone can do something that I find extremely uncomfortable, and yet be without sin. The Apostle Peter saw a vision of the manifestation of Grace when he was hungry, and a sheet came down filled with unclean animals and a voice told him to kill and eat. When Peter refused, as any good Jew would, he heard a voice telling him not to call unclean what God had cleansed. This happened three times, and then he was visited by some Gentiles who invited him to come back with them and visit more Gentiles. Talk about a radical confrontation of Grace verses belief systems.<br />
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Grace puts every believer, in every country, of every ethnicity, of every language, and of every tribe, on an equal footing. Grace allows for cultural variances. Grace permits the unification of all believers under a single banner, Jesus Christ the Righteous.<br />
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Grace frees from captivity. Grace enables me to not only overcome my past, but to embrace new ideas and concepts I had never considered before. Grace allows me the freedom to exercise my conscience, and even expand its boundaries. With Scripture as my guide, and the Holy Spirit influencing my thinking, as long as I am convinced in my own mind that a course of action not expressly forbidden in Scripture is not sin, I am free to do it, and not only to do it, but to enjoy it! I can dance! I can play cards! I can buy a lottery ticket! I can drink a, um, barley soda! I can puff on a pipe! I can get a tattoo! I can get a piercing!<br />
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Grace also allows me to fall flat on my face. In this capacity, Grace allows me to get back up and to recognize how stupid I was so that I can learn from my mistakes. Grace enables me to seek God for more Grace because Grace teaches me that I am insufficient to stand unaided.<br />
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But Grace also comes with a freedom of another kind. Grace allows me to lay down my freedom for the sake of my brothers and sisters in Christ. Grace allows me to voluntarily chose to refrain from doing something that will harm or cause another to stumble. Grace allows me to seek the higher good in someone else. I know I am not bound by something a weaker conscience would stumble over, but for the sake of the weaker conscience, Grace allows me the privilege of temporarily, or even permanently, surrendering my right and freedom in that particular regard.<br />
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Why is this? Because Grace has for its foundation the two Great Commandments - love God with your whole being, and love your neighbor as yourself. If I love God the way I should, naturally I will love my neighbor as I should. The two are inseparable. Love seeks the highest good in its object. I will not want to harm my neighbor with my freedom because to me his life becomes more precious to me than my own. This is the essence of true Christianity. Love.<br />
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If I know my brother has an issue with gambling, I will hide the cards and say nothing of my planned Vegas vacation. If he has a problem with an ingredient in barley soda, then I will not bring the subject up, and I will steer him clear of my fridge, or even empty it before he comes. If he is someone I am nurturing in discipleship, I'll stay away from the stuff altogether indefinitely for his sake. Grace is my freedom because I am not bound by anything save for the love of God. I have absolute freedom to take up a liberty and also to lay it down.<br />
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My friends, remember that Grace is not an excuse to do as you please when you please and forget anyone else. Yes, you have freedom to do certain things that before you may have never thought possible, but you must be convinced in your own mind that it is OK, otherwise you will sin against you conscience, and something that could have been acceptable becomes sin to you. "Whatsoever is not of faith is sin," the Bible says. You also have a responsibility to those around you not to cause them to stumble. If you cause a brother in Christ to sin against his conscience because of your freedom, then you are guilty of the sin your brother thought he was committing. Read Romans 14 and 1 Corinthians 8.<br />
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With Grace comes great freedom, but also great responsibility. Ask God for wisdom, and seek His heart.<br />
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I am in Grace, and I am at Peace.Lion of Peacehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01000908705563532681noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5940688348997370097.post-8428846546686339762010-12-29T18:53:00.001-07:002010-12-30T16:50:47.926-07:00A Winter Driving Reminder<span data-jsid="text">I work for a state government somewhere in the northern plains. I work in the maintenance division, which means I maintain roads, mow ditches, haul off road kill, and plow snow. I was inspired to write this post after a lengthy discussion with a friend of mine down in Georgia over their recent snow event. Here now is the sum of my wisdom concerning winter driving.<br />
<br />
As with anywhere else in these United States, we have idiots behind the wheel up here, too. Some of the locals (mainly from the cities) believe that the posted speed limit is a divine right regardless of road and visibility condit<span class="text_exposed_hide"></span><span class="text_exposed_show">ions. I plow during blizzards, including severe ones, because some people don't have the sense God gave a rock to stay put. I can be called out at all hours of the day regardless of how much sleep I've had.<br />
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We had someone killed just east of town two days before Christmas. It appears that a pickup was following one of our snowplows too closely. When the plow blade is down and moving snow, the snow is thrown up into the air and upwards of 50' away and into the ditch. If the wind is right the snow can fly over a 100'. In this case the wind was contrary, and some of the finer particles were being whipped back around and behind the plow and across the road, creating what is called snow fog. A car was coming the other way while speeding, and when he hit the snow fog he either lost control, panicked, or completely lost his bearings. He crossed the center line just behind the plow and struck the pickup head on. The driver of the car was killed.<br />
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You see, both drivers share some blame in what happened. Though the driver of the pickup does not appear to have been charged with anything, he should still have been further back so that he could see more clearly, and the car coming from the other direction should have slowed way down and yielded right-of-way. The laws in my state afford the same protection to a snow plow out doing his job as they do any other emergency vehicle. </span></span><br />
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<span data-jsid="text"><span class="text_exposed_show">My plow was rear ended last February because someone decided to drive into my snow fog instead of slowing down. What gets me is that he even recognized it for snow fog, figured that there was a vehicle in there somewhere, and still drove into it without slowing down. </span></span><br />
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<span data-jsid="text"><span class="text_exposed_show">Most of the locals are pretty good, though. It's mainly those who moved from out-of-state facing their first few winters that get themselves into trouble.</span></span><br />
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<span data-jsid="text"><span class="text_exposed_show">The two forms of winter weather to be on guard against are snow storms and ice storms.</span></span><br />
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<span data-jsid="text"><span class="text_exposed_show">There is a marked difference between snow storms and ice storms. Ice storms are often the result of freezing rain where the ground temperature and ambient air temperature are below freezing. The rain makes contact with the frozen ground and freezes, creating a layer of ice. The air freezes the rain onto power lines, tree limbs, and anything else above ground, causing many to break under the strain of the additional weight, wreaking havoc and creating major hazards. The freezing roadway, still wet from the falling rain, is exceptionally slick, and even going 10mph, and often much slower, can still cause a vehicle to go out of control. There is simply no traction for the tires. Snow tires will not even help on wet ice. There is nothing to grip, and the temperature is too warm for them to work properly anyway. Snow tires require a certain temperature range much lower than your average all-season tires to meet their full potential (they are a softer rubber than normal tires, I believe). It is inadvisable to go anywhere during an ice storm. <br />
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Snow storms, or snow events are we call them, on the other hand, come with reduced visibility. Snow can build up quickly in sheltered areas, and snow drifts can become as hard as concrete if the wind and temperature are right. In open areas with enough wind the snow simply blows across the road, which is helpful, but all bets are off in any areas that have an extended row of trees or shrubs too close to the road. It doesn't take much of a snow cover to obliterate the road surface. Also, the deeper the snow, the more power the vehicle needs to exert in order to push its way through the snow. This results in greater torque, which can result in a loss of control even for a front wheel drive. When dealing with reduced traction, torque is your enemy.<br />
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In a heavy snow fall night driving is especially dangerous and disorienting because of the severely reduced visibility, and it is more difficult to discern tree lines and such to aide in guessing one's location on the road. It is much easier to drive off the road by accident or to even cross the center line. Also, the larger the snowflake the more disorienting driving is. First, the headlights are reflected back at a higher intensity than with smaller flakes making it extremely difficult to concentrate on anything beyond the immediate front of the vehicle. Second, the larger flakes in the headlights come at the driver in such a way as to be almost hypnotic. To the tired driver, this can be devastating.<br />
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The are four primary mistakes people make during adverse weather conditions, and they are as follows: <br />
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1). Driving too fast for conditions. SLOW DOWN at night by at least 5mph with good visibility and dry roads. Slow down even more in the rain, even during daylight, but especially at night. During a snow event slow down further, and unless you are used to driving in these adverse conditions, reevaluate your priorities and stay home. Even if you are used to driving in these conditions, reevaluate your priorities and stay home. During ice don't go anywhere, even if it is "just around the corner" Most accidents and fatalities occur within two miles of home. If you need medical attention which cannot wait, call 911. You are better off paying for an ambulance visit than to risk not making it to the hospital. </span></span><br />
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<span data-jsid="text"><span class="text_exposed_show">Slow way down before making your turn, especially if on snow or ice. Drop to below 5mph to make your turn. Anything faster could send you sliding into a curb or into another car. </span></span><br />
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<span data-jsid="text"><span class="text_exposed_show">Another mistake related to driving too fast is using the cruise control. NEVER use the cruise control in conditions other than ideal driving conditions. You, the driver, simply cannot react fast enough to split-second changes in conditions if your cruise is on. Also with your cruise on, you will be more apt to allow your attention to drift a little, and you may be too late in recognizing a hazard.<br />
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2). Steering. Many people who lose control do so because they over-correct their steering. If you find yourself drifting across the center line or off the shoulder, DO NOT HIT THE BRAKES -- EVER!!!! And NEVER JERK THE WHEEL!!!! Take your foot off the gas and gently counter-steer. The vehicle will gradually slow down and allow you to return your vehicle to your lane while allowing you to maintain control. I have not experienced this to fail even once.<br />
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3). Brake gently. Many other accidents are caused by braking too hard and too quickly. Even with anti-lock brakes, you can still slide. Make sure you start braking WELL in advance of where you normally would to make your turn or stop. Remember that your anti-lock brakes were designed to work primarily on dry pavement to prevent skidding, and in wet conditions to prevent sliding. They do not function very well in snow or ice because there is not enough traction. Do not rely on them. If you do, they will get you into trouble. </span></span><br />
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<span data-jsid="text"><span class="text_exposed_show">A corollary to this is down shifting. If the roads are bad and you know that there is a hill that you need to descend, slow way down before you begin your descent and drop your vehicle into a lower gear. This will allow your engine to help keep you vehicle running at a safer speed, and you will have less risk in causing your car to slide by hitting the brakes. Remember that you will need to drop even lower for an automatic transmission as opposed to a manual. However, if the road is bad enough, it won't matter what you do. You will slide, and most likely you will slide off the road or into the other lane. Before going down the hill, bring your vehicle to a complete stop and get out. If the road doesn't seem too slippery, you may be able to make depending on how steep the road is. If you fall right to ground or can hardly stand, get back into your car and turn it around, then head back to where you.</span></span><br />
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4). Don't tailgate. Maintain adequate following distance. In ideal conditions you should maintain a minimum of 3 seconds following distance. Double that during rain. Double that during snow and ice. Determine your following distance by picking a fixed object that you can see up ahead, like a side road, a billboard, a sign, and count off mississippis when the vehicle you are following reaches that object. Keep counting until you reach that object. This will give you your following distance. If it is less than 3 seconds in ideal conditions slow down, make more room, and count again. Remember it is always preferable to have too much following distance than not enough.<br />
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I consider myself an expert in driving in all manner of adverse road and weather conditions (a veteran driver of extreme snow/ice conditions in northern Japan, six years OTR and local truck driving, and six years in various northern states, along with my training as a commercial truck driver and worker for the highway department). I do not even go out in ice storms unless in the capacity as a state employee to treat the roads, not because I have any doubts as to my ability to handle whatever the road and weather throw at me, but because the majority of others on the road do not drive with safety on their minds. They think only of getting to their destinations as quickly as possible. Even a mere 5 mph slower than what you think is a safe speed can, and often is, the difference between life and death, getting in an accident or avoiding one, or going off the road or maintaining control.</span></span><br />
<span data-jsid="text"><span class="text_exposed_show"> </span></span><span data-jsid="text"><div class="text_exposed_root text_exposed" id="id_4d1bc9c3342831495421814">During the winter always keep the following in your car: a snow shovel; a tow rope (preferably longer than 30' or keep two 20' ropes); a flashlight with extra batteries; flares; space blankets for the number of seat belts in your vehicle (t<span class="text_exposed_hide"></span><span class="text_exposed_show">hey reflect the heat back in - very small and light and available in camping supplies); enough wool blankets to cover all the occupants (military surplus work great); extra pairs of socks for everybody (wet shoes and feet can lead to frostbite, even in the South, and they just make you miserable anyway); extra warm gloves for everyone; stocking caps that cover the ears for everyone; candles; matches or lighters; and bottled water. The heat from one candle in your average sedan is enough to keep the occupants from freezing to death. </span></div><div class="text_exposed_root text_exposed" id="id_4d1bc9c3342831495421814"></div><div class="text_exposed_root text_exposed" id="id_4d1bc9c3342831495421814"><span class="text_exposed_show">If it looks like you are going to be stuck for a long period of time, crack the windows a hair if you are going to use your candle. If you are stuck in a snow storm, DO NOT RUN YOUR CAR. Heavy snow can build around your car quickly, creating a seal which will prevent the exhaust from escaping, which will result in the occupants dying from carbon monoxide poisoning. If you do run your car, make sure to go out and dig out the back of your vehicle, then run the car for no more than 10 minutes in any given hour. The snow fall can be so fast that it can fill in a good sized hole very quickly.</span></div><div class="text_exposed_root text_exposed" id="id_4d1bc9c3342831495421814"></div><div class="text_exposed_root text_exposed" id="id_4d1bc9c3342831495421814"><span class="text_exposed_show">Another good practice during the winter is to add weight to your vehicle.</span><span data-jsid="text"> Because the engine of your car is in the front (in the vast majority of cases), that is where the majority of the weight of your vehicle is carried. The rear tires carry a comparatively lighter load. Adding the weight makes the vehicle more stable and reduces the possibility that the back end of your vehicle will slide out away from you. I carry 760lbs of sand in sand bags in the back of my 98 Silverado K1500. Makes a world of difference. But with most sedans no more than four 40 to 60 pound bags should be sufficient, depending on whether you have a sedan or minivan. In an SUV you may want up to 400lbs worth of sand bags in the back. That's what I had in my '03 Envoy. That weight made a huge difference. </span>Besides, the sand in the sandbags will become useful if you do get stuck in some ice and need a little traction.</div><div class="text_exposed_root text_exposed" id="id_4d1bc9c3342831495421814"><br />
</div><div class="text_exposed_root text_exposed" id="id_4d1bc9c3342831495421814">Some personal advice I have is that you never let your fuel tank run below half. There are two reasons for this practice: First, it will minimize the amount of moisture that can get into your tank, thus minimizing the likelihood of water freezing in your fuel line, which will result in your car failing to operate. Second, this will guarantee that you always have a reserve fuel supply should you become stuck somewhere in the boonies where the likelihood of a quick rescue is slim. You will be able to milk that fuel supply for days by running it in short spurts if the weather conditions allow you to do so safely.</div><div class="text_exposed_root text_exposed" id="id_4d1bc9c3342831495421814"><br />
</div><div class="text_exposed_root text_exposed" id="id_4d1bc9c3342831495421814">And remember this. This is advice, not gospel truth. I do not claim that everything I said is fool proof. There are a lot of mitigating circumstances that go into whether or not my advice will help you. Ultimately, the person who gets behind the wheel of any vehicle is responsible for the safe operation of that vehicle. I cannot drive your car for you. You will have to use the sense God gave you to decide what is best.</div><div class="text_exposed_root text_exposed" id="id_4d1bc9c3342831495421814"><br />
</div><div class="text_exposed_root text_exposed" id="id_4d1bc9c3342831495421814">Go with God, and be safe out there.</div></span>Lion of Peacehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01000908705563532681noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5940688348997370097.post-87712924678895720882010-12-27T23:35:00.000-07:002010-12-27T23:35:48.012-07:00ShamelessHi. My name is Jonathan, and I struggle with pornography. I have been struggling for over 25 years.<br />
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I am like the recovering alcoholic. I will always be recovering from pornography. Just like a single drink will totally mess over the sobriety record of a recovering alcoholic, so too will a glimpse of a girlie magazine or website. I have to be careful what I watch on TV. I have to be careful what I search for on the Internet or what websites I go to. I even have to be careful on Amazon.com. My flesh is easily enticed. My lust stays hidden just beyond my awareness, ready to inflame at the slightest provocation, at the slightest hint of weakness.<br />
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I used to flatter myself that I wasn't that bad. After all, I only liked soft porn. The hardcore stuff turned my stomach and made me physically ill. No thank you. But, give me the other stuff, and . . . . I'll just leave it at that. You get the picture. Ha! Unintended pun.<br />
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There is a popular saying which goes something like this: "The Devil made me do it." This is called blame-shifting. The Bible says in James 1:14-15 that "<i>each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire</i>.<i> Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death.</i>" (ESV). I do not know how to be clearer. My temptations come from within my own self.<br />
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If I give in to lust and look at something that I should not look at, I have no business blaming the Devil or his minions. I have only myself to blame. If my wife says something to make me mad, and I respond to her in an unkind way, I have only myself to blame. I chose to respond that way. If I keep a defeatist attitude and never find victory, I have only myself to blame. God's Grace is there for the taking. If I allow my past to consistently defeat me, I have only myself to blame. I do not diminish the pain. I do not diminish the heartache. I do not diminish the gravity of what happened. But once I have been exposed to God's Grace, and I choose to wallow in self pity instead of allowing God to work healing in my life, I have only myself to blame. The Devil and his angels are not to blame. <br />
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The Devil doesn't tempt me. I tempt me. He is not attacking me. I am. My corrupted conscience is. My negative tapes are. If I leave myself to my own devices, I will only destroy myself further. It is in my nature to do so. The Devil didn't make me do it. No hellish angel tempted me. I made me do it. I tempted me. I am weak. My flesh is weak. I tempted me because I have a nature which delights in sin. I tempted me because I have an insatiable hunger for things which appease my flesh.<br />
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So, here's what happens. I drove 18 wheels for 6 years. I've been all over. I don't keep anything in my truck because I know I have a weakness for porn. So, nothing can tempt me. Sounds good, right? Well, I pull into a customer's plant to drop and hook (drop my empty trailer and hook to a pre-loaded trailer). I drive up to the guard shack and sign my bill of lading (BOL - papers saying how much of what cargo I have and where it's going and where it came from). I'm doing pretty good in my thought life at the moment. I suddenly get an urgent need to find a restroom, and the only one that I am allowed to use is a port-a-potty outside the guard shack. I go in, and sitting right there next to the seat is a Play Boy. Needless to say I failed that test.<br />
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Another scenario. I pull into a truck stop to fuel, then find a place to park for the night. While I am parking a lot lizard (hooker) comes up to see if I want company. I politely tell her to get lost. I go into the truck stop to shower, and discover that I am number 6 on the waiting list. It's January, and places that never sell Sports Illustrated have racks and racks loaded with the Swim Suit issue. I walk away without buying and go sit down in Wendy's while I wait. I won that battle.<br />
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I've lost a lot of battles, and I've won a lot of battles. A lot of factors have gone into my victories and my defeats, such as my spiritual life, my level of exhaustion, and my relationship with my wife, among others. She reads my blog so this will come as a surprise to her, not that I haven't tried to tell her before. I have tried on several occasions. I probably didn't do a very good job of trying to tell her.<br />
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The amount of time I spend in the Word helps me. The Spirit within me has more ammunition at His disposal, and I am able to think more of my Savior and His sacrifice for my sins, and of honoring my wife than when I am not spending time in the Word of God. I am reminded of an old illustration, related to me many times removed and attributed to an old and wise American Indian chief, now probably long since deceased. He spoke of there being two dogs in each person, fighting each other, a white dog and a black dog. The white one is good and the black one bad. If we do good things, we feed the white dog and he gets stronger, and he is able to beat the black dog, but if we do bad things we feed the black dog and he will get stronger and win. In a similar way if we maintain habits which cater to our flesh, then our flesh will get stronger and we will remain in bondage. If we replace those habits with habits which feed our soul, then we feed that redeemed part of us which wants to do right and please God, and that part of us becomes stronger and is better able to resist the powerful onslaught of desires from the flesh. <br />
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If my relationship with my wife is not well, then I have that much more temptation I have to face. The majority of times I have lost my battles since being married were after we had some kind of falling out. She got upset at me over something I considered to be trivial. Continual frustration over continual interruption after repeated requests to be left alone for a certain amount of time so I could concentrate on whatever it was I was doing (which has not happened in very long time, by the way). At times she would seem distant or aloof, unapproachable, for long periods of time (not saying that she was, just that to me she seemed it - my interpretive filter was wrong). Though I am to blame for most of the problems, she also has a sin nature, and when two sin natures collide, there are going to be issues, ugly ones complete with hairy worts and crooked yellow teeth. Whoever was to blame, which probably in the vast majority of cases was me, my feeling in the matter was that I was in some way rejected. Thus, I would be tempted to find comfort or revenge in looking at things I shouldn't. You see, she can forget very quickly why there was a fight or argument. That's something I really respect in her. Unfortunately I can't. I internalize it, and it takes me a lot longer to get over it. I think God is working on this.<br />
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That is why I need to be in the Word. That is why I need to be embracing Grace. That is why I need to be looking to Jesus, the Author and Finisher of my faith, for my strength. I cannot win this battle on my own. Though God governs the entire Universe, He does not force Himself onto us. He does not shout to be heard. He does not punch to be felt. He invites us to follow Him. He leads by example. He speaks in a soft voice. He nudges our shoulders with a gentle breeze.<br />
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For years I did not realize that there was hope. Having become an adult in a theological movement which states that "these things are bad" but not giving any way out other than "wash these verses down with a tall glass of prayer, and call me if you don't feel better," I was without hope. I struggled and struggled and struggled over the years. I did everything I could. I went to the altar and knelt. I confessed my sins over and over and over, and I implored God's forgiveness over and over and over. I read my Bible. I memorized Scripture. I prayed. I went to church. I did everything they told me that I am supposed to do in order to get victory. Guess what? THEY LIED!!! All I did was beat myself up over and over and over because I continually fell. I could never get victory. I would never kick this. I despised myself for my weakness to porn, and I could do nothing about it. The movement payed lip-service to the part of the Bible which states that "Christ died once for all," but in practice I was preached that God was continually angry with me over my sin, and I would be placed on shelf or "taken out of the way" should I fail to get my life right. <br />
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Yeah. I was threatened that God would strike me dead if *I* didn't get a handle on this. How's that for hope? *I* must accomplish this, or I might die. Oh, there was a brief nod of acknowledgment to "God will help you if you only ask Him," but I only heard doom, doom, doom. How many times had I implored God for help? How many times had I begged Him for deliverance? And I was still bound. Grace came up during salvation messages. That was it. For all intents and purposes, Grace no longer existed for me after salvation. That is the essence of what I heard proclaimed from the pulpit.<br />
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And then I learned about Grace from a five point Calvinist in California. My eyes began to open, and I began to see what Grace really was. Grace only started at salvation! Grace continues on and on and on until either I die, or my Beloved comes to claim me for His very own. God was going to come back and claim ME. Yeah, trust your eyes. You read it right. Jesus is coming back for me, ME, THE sinner. How's that for love? How's that for hope? <br />
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What I did not realize was that when I was asking God for deliverance, He was answering my prayer by allowing me to fall. Now, put your stones down. There will be time enough for stoning me when I am done. No, God was not tempting me to do evil. He allowed a situation which resulted in my choosing to fail of my own volition, which then would teach me that I cannot do this on my own, that I need to rely on Him more. Only because of the conditioning I had received at the words of preachers who probably meant well, I could not see that my problem was beyond me. Because I was indoctrinated to believe that *I* was responsible to clean this mess up, I could never see past my own failure. Grace opened my eyes to let me see that I never could clean this mess up, that even my failure had a point. My life is a God sized mess, and only God can clean it up. Only Tide with God Power can take care of these stains.<br />
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And I have freedom. Freedom from chains which held me for years. Freedom to love my Beloved. Freedom to know Him and the power of His resurrection. Freedom to fail, to fall and know that He knew that I was going to fail Him, and He took me in and loved me anyway. Freedom to let God handle my mess. Freedom to let Him help me get back up on my feet and love on me. Freedom to take a few more steps and fall, knowing that there is no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus. My conscience is pricked. That is punishment enough. Freedom to repeat the cycle of fall, get up, walk, fall, get up, walk. Eventually I'll take more than a few steps toward my Beloved. I will walk many steps before I trip. Then I will run, and trip, and get up, and run some more. My eyes are on my Beloved, and He is coaxing me on, cheering me on, and putting superhero band-aids on my boo-boos when I fall and get scraped up.<br />
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This is not to say that I can deliberately let myself go and read and watch anything I want to. GOD FORBID! No, my Beloved's Grace is not for the abusing. I am not deliberately to sin more so that He can shower me with more Grace. That is wrong. That would be to abuse God's goodness. No, sir (or mam). Absolutely not. <br />
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Think of things this way. If you are trying to do right, and you fall, and get back up and keep trying to do right, you are not abusing God's Grace. If you choose to habitually indulge in that which you know you should not, then you are abusing God's Grace. See the difference? Falling into a muck hole because you slipped and fell in does not constitute abuse. Seeking out a muck hole to jump into and wallow in does. Temptations will come, and you will fail. Not all the time, but you will fail. This is not abuse. Seeking out temptation on a regular basis, this is abuse.<br />
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I have had to make some changes in my life. There are some websites I do not go to because they will lead me where I do not wish to go. There are stores I do not go into because they will sow seeds which will rapidly grow into trip-vines and snare-vines. There are TV shows and channels I don't watch at certain times of the day because there is stuff on them that I have no business seeing.<br />
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If any of you, my dear readers, struggle with the same struggle that I struggle with, and some of you do, then depending on your circumstances you may need to make some drastic changes to your life. You may have to avoid a friend's house. You may have to get rid of your TV for a period of time, or cancel your cable/satellite subscriptions. You may have to destroy hundreds, even thousands of dollars worth of DVDs. You may have to burn a lot of magazines. You may have to cancel some credit cards. You may need to have a friend restore your computer to factory defaults - effectively wiping everything out on the hard drive because of the thousands of porno images you downloaded, then have him install a password protected filter program and not tell you the password. If your struggle is bad enough, you may have to get rid of your computer all together. If you're route to work takes you by an adult bookstore or strip club, find another route.<br />
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Balking at any of this? Good. Ask yourself this question. How desperately do I want to go clean? Ask God for wisdom. Ask Him if there is anything you need to get rid of.<br />
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I'm not saying that these will cure you. They will not. They simply help remove the major avenues by which you satisfy your flesh. <br />
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THEN, you have to replace whatever you got rid of. If you got rid of your TV, then listen to radio programs, or read books by reputable authors, or listen to books by reputable authors. I'm not going to tell you to replace bad material with strictly godly material. Fiction is OK, but it must be wholesome. If you want to read some godly material, by all means. Take up a hobby, such as painting, or making things out of wood or metal, or even take up needlepoint. You must occupy that time previously spent doing evil by doing something completely different, even if it is not totally constructive. And, do not neglect studying your Bible, whatever form that may take, and praying for strength, praising God, and looking for ways to serve Him and others instead of yourself. If you formerly went to a strip club or an X rated movie theatre on certain days of the week, find a Bible study to join on those nights, or visit with a godly friend over Starbucks. If you do not replace your evil with good, you will fall right back into the same trap, and you will end up being worse off than what you were before.<br />
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Finding a godly someone you can trust and give that person permission to ask very invasive questions about your life, anytime of day or night, can be helpful. Accountability certainly will not hurt.<br />
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Remember that God loves you unconditionally. If you are married, remember that porn does not honor your spouse. If you are unmarried, remember that porn will create baggage in any future relationship that you have or are having. Remember that you are human, and you will fall. You will stumble. But remember that God has already forgiven you, and that His love for you has not diminished at all. <br />
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Go in God, my friends. You are unconditionally loved in our Beloved.Lion of Peacehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01000908705563532681noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5940688348997370097.post-64258955752991262382010-12-17T18:46:00.000-07:002010-12-17T18:46:44.261-07:00Destroyer of Souls<div style="text-align: left;"> Is it possible for a wound to go so deep that it is bottomless? </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Am I able to wound myself so deeply that I have no end to the anguish? </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Am I capable of hurting another human being so deeply that I destroy his soul?</div><br />
<div style="text-align: left;">Yes. </div><br />
There is nothing that I am not capable of. Given the right people around me and the right set of circumstances, there is no height I cannot achieve, and there is no depth to which I cannot descend. I am capable of the full spectrum of both good and evil. I am capable of the most self-sacrificing actions to the most diabolical sadism. To look at someone who stumbled and say that I could never do such a thing is to lie to myself, to others, and to God. Such words show a fundamental misunderstanding of who I am and what I am capable of. Such words show arrogance and pride, and they prove myself to be an utter fool.<br />
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The depth of my depravity is a crushing weight.<br />
<div style="text-align: left;">Forgiven, yes.</div><div style="text-align: left;">Being broken and remade, yes.</div><div style="text-align: left;">Able to forget my past, no.</div><br />
I admit to you freely that I struggle with pornography. I admit to you freely that I struggle with lust. I can think of a hundred other shameful things I would rather admit to, true or not, if I can only escape this one. But God will not let me. He has placed this cup before me, and in a gentle voice bade me drain it. So I will trust Him, and I will drain it. I know He is working in me to heal me, but I would rather walk barefoot on a path of razors. The cup is very bitter.<br />
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At HeartChange I formulated a dagger, a phrase that I can use to remind me who I am in Jesus when the difficulties come. "I am a warrior, forged in adversity by my Lord and Captain, unfettered and at peace." <br />
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(long silence) I sense I have been plunged into the coals, and now I am on the anvil, being pounded, being forged. The gathering storm I foresaw weeks ago has broken directly overhead. I thought the assault would come from without. I was wrong. It came from within. I was ready for whatever came at me. I was not prepared for what came from me. Lightning has pierced my soul and thunder has shattered my senses. I am reeling. I am numb. I do not see any light. Even the lightning is black.<br />
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I thought I had conquered this mountain at HeartChange. It turns out that I had only climbed to the base camp. The remainder of my Everest towers high above me yet.<br />
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The other day I read a blog by a dear friend, one whom I have not even met yet. She writes "Journey to Beloved" at journeytobeloved.blogspot.com. She has been through incredible pain herself, and she ministers to hurting hearts. The other day she posted a blog entitled "Marked." I triggered, and the lights went out.<br />
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J. Robert Oppenheimer, the chief scientist for the Manhattan Project, said after the creation of the atomic bomb, "Now I am become death, the destroyer of worlds." I borrow his words and say, "I am become Death, the Destroyer of Souls."<br />
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It happened 15 years ago on a beautiful day, not very cold, the sun shining. I believe it was fall. I came back to my dorm and muttered something under my breath, and he heard me as he passed me near the east entrance to the north wing. I was mere steps away from my room. I don't remember if he was coming or going. I don't remember his name. I don't know if he was even a student. I've talked to my friends about him, but no one remembers him. I don't even remember his face. I do remember he was skinny and shorter than me. I do remember he had lighter hair. I do remember he was a missionary kid from New Zealand. I don't know the information I need to find him.<br />
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It happened 15 years ago on that fateful day. He heard what I said, and he confronted me on it. And that is when it happened. That is when I lit him up. That is when I plunged a dagger into his soul. That is when he turned red with rage. That is when I heard his soul shatter. That is when I heard his heart break. That is when I saw in his eyes the damage I did. That is when I watched him turn and walk away in deafening silence, never to be seen by me again.<br />
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<div style="text-align: left;">That is when I didn't care.</div><br />
Who was this punk? How dare he tell me what I should or should not say? How DARE he! HOW DARE HE!!!!!!! Who does he think he is, anyway?<br />
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(long pause) I'll tell you who he is. He is a child of God. He has been saved by Grace. He is dear to my Lord and Savior. He is my brother. And he is my better.<br />
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That day, that ominous day, I sinned greatly. I became a walking abomination. I slew a soul. I fractured a life. I violated one of God's beloved ones. <br />
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And now his specter has returned from whatever place I buried him in my past. He rises at will as my personal vampire and feeds on me, draining me of joy, of hope, of any sense of worth. He whispers that I am the Destroyer of Souls, that I am worthless, that all I touch turns to ash, that I am not deserving of joy, that I cannot be used of God because of this incredible evil. And I offer him my neck, and I allow him to drain me. I know I deserve no less. It is my penance. It is the least I can do after I so wronged him.<br />
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I know these are lies. But I struggle at not believing them. I know I am forgiven of my Beloved, that ALL of my sins are forgiven, even this evil. I know that to Him I am of infinite worth. I know that in Him I find all the joy I can handle, and then some. I know that my touch does not cause to wither. I know I can do nothing to make amends for the wrong I have done. There is no penance that can cleanse me. Only God's Grace can cleanse me.<br />
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Two songs have really spoken to me of late, both by Chris Tomlin. Both are on my play list. The first is "Everlasting God," and the second is "I Will Rise."<br />
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And just now, as I write this, I realized that I am chained to this demon by my choice. He cannot harm me unless I let him. Therefore, I will no longer listen to his poisonous words. I will no longer offer him my neck. I will rest in the Truth of my Beloved's Grace. I am forgiven. I am cleansed. He paid for my sin, even this one. It has been abolished on the Cross, and I bear it no more. I am free. FREE!!!!<br />
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To my Nameless brother in our Beloved, I met you on one occasion around the fall of 1995 at Northland Baptist Bible College. I ask your forgiveness for how I wronged you. I make no excuses for myself. You are just in any anger you hold against me. Be it known to you that since then I received Jesus as my Savior, and God has dealt with me concerning my sin toward you. I repented of it, and I have tried to find you, but not knowing your name or knowing anyone that remembers you, I cannot find you. My prayer is that this blog entry will find its way to you, and that you will accept my repentance and forgive me. May Jesus richly bless your life and restore you tenfold whatever I robbed of you. May you find healing in His loving arms, and that when we meet in Heaven, if God does not first bring our paths together here on Earth, that we can meet as friends. I love you, my Nameless brother. Go in God, and be at peace. Amen.Lion of Peacehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01000908705563532681noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5940688348997370097.post-13903507960233432812010-12-14T22:38:00.000-07:002010-12-14T22:38:33.258-07:00A Struggle of Life and DeathI've heard a lot of people say, "When life hands me lemons, I make lemonade." I know what they mean - I should have a positive attitude on life no matter what happens. A tired cliche, excellent bravado, and very hard to live up to. When I find myself in a deep pit and locked in mortal combat for my very sanity, the last thing on my mind is looking for sugar. It seems like the world and everything in it is trying to bury me alive, and I have a crushing weight on my soul and I cannot stand or even call out for help. No, these are not the words I need to hear. I need a shoulder to lean on, a bear hug, a listening ear that will let me vent and not judge me no matter what I say or how I say it, a word of love, of hope, of Grace.<br />
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Not too long ago I believed my inner pain was always something only between me and God. And when one has been taught that God is wrathful, vengeful, and jealous, such as I learned to view God after leaving home, God became something of a tyrant. I began seeing myself as not being adequate, not just in my relationship with God but with those around me. I began to believe the negatives I heard preached. I must not be relying on God enough. I must not be praying enough. I must not be reading my Bible enough. I must not be tithing enough. I must be really bad because I really like the "wrong" music. Maybe God put me on a shelf and I am supposed to sit here in my pain until I have suffered enough to purge me of whatever I am to be purged of so that He will be willing to try using me. Everything bad that happens to me and my loved ones is God's punishment on me. Even my sister's death became God telling me how displeased He was with me. <br />
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Therefore, I experienced rejection, despair, anguish, emptiness, and loneliness. I resigned myself to my fate, and I bore my burden in silence. Self-loathing became the norm, and the less time I spent with myself, the better. So, I filled my time with distracting pursuits. I devoured fantasy novels. I played fantasy RPG computer games. I dove headlong into Dungeons & Dragons. Anything where I could be someone else for a period of time. All my thought was bent on escaping reality. I hated who and what I was. And secretly, where no one else could ever know, locked in a closet in a windowless room, (whispering) I hated God.<br />
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The pious say in their lofty tones "If all I have is God, then it is enough." This may very well be true, but if all I had was the God I thought I had, then shove it. It is NOT enough. I wanted more, but I knew I could never have it. Reprobate children such as myself never would get a smile from God. Only a stern look. My only hope became that one day, all of this would be over. I knew I was going to Heaven, but I dared not ever hope for a "Well done, My good and faithful servant." Oh no. I was getting to Heaven, but I would have no crowns, no reward. I would be standing on the outskirts of Heaven's throng where other rebels were who had their sins forgiven but wasted their life displeasing God. My room in God's House would be a broom closet, if I was even that lucky. Maybe a corner in the boiler room deep in the basement, or even a lean-to by the back gate. I'd be wearing white but it would just be a plain gown. Certainly no robe or sandals. <br />
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And that is when suicide started looking like a viable option. If I am not going to amount to anything, and I am going to Heaven anyway, and I'm not going to be getting any rewards, why not just end it now and get it over with? Why continue in pain when there is nothing to live for? Even after getting married I still struggled with it. I knew how to stage a suicide and make it look like an accident. I drove a truck. You know, hazards of the trade. My wife would have a pile of money, so there would be nothing to worry about in that regard. <br />
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Some would call suicide the ultimate expression of pride, utter selfishness, and the epitome of cowardice. It can be, but I believe that in the majority of cases, I would call suicide the final act of a truly desperate and hurting soul. <br />
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The truly desperate and hurting soul, if he survives suicidal thoughts, can go mad. I know. I fought off madness on more than two occasions. Both times, as I was going down the road in my semi, I felt madness trying to overtake me. As clear as day I saw before me a deep chasm, and voices were telling me to leap into the void. It would have been so easy. All I had to do was let go, to step off the ledge, and I would fall, fall, fall into sweet oblivion. Madness would numb the pain. The pain would feed the madness. Madness would grow stronger and numb more pain, and the cycle would continue until the essence of what I was ceased to be. It would amount to psychological suicide, for I saw it clearly as a choice.<br />
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Why, I do not know, but God allowed me to stave off madness and live. And when God broke the chains of the Occult, for the first time that I can remember I had hope. God cared enough to free me from this bondage. It was only a sliver of one, but I had hope. Nothing more than a match in a deep cavern, but brilliant to my dark and hopeless eyes. Real HOPE. Madness never more came to my door, and suicide left my thoughts as a viable course of action. I knew God cared.<br />
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At HeartChange, I finally met God. I discovered that He had been trying to introduce Himself all along, but the spiritual environment I was in prevented Him from reaching me. I discovered that He wasn't a tyrant. I discovered that He paid my sin-debt because He wanted to, not because He felt obligated to. I discovered that I wasn't good enough, that I could never be good enough, and that was OK. He knew that going into the deal. I discovered that He loves me more than I can ever possibly know or understand. I discovered that He wants my company, that He is laughing and saying like the Ghost of Christmas Present: "Come, and know me better, man!" And like Dickens' spirit, He has surrounded Himself with good things He wants me to have. He presented to me the Cup of Divine Kindness and bade me drink my fill. And I discovered that while my eyes were on Him, I was being broken and unmade.<br />
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Tonight, I read on Face Book about some pain a friend of mine has. I wrote her a public reply, and I will share that reply with you, my readers. One of her friends commented that my friend was amazing, and then my friend denied it, saying that she is only a broken soul resting in God's Truth. I have learned much since HeartChange, and it boils down to the following. Here now is my reply:<br />
<blockquote>"<span data-jsid="text">It is the broken soul resting in God's Truth that is refreshing to others. It is what draws us to you, like a butterfly to sweet nectar. The Water of Life pours forth out of those fractures that you find so painful and helps bring <span class="text_exposed_hide"></span><span class="text_exposed_show">healing and rest to others that are suffering. God has to keep pouring His Grace into you because it continuously runs out from you to those in need. Your pain, our pain, though not pleasant, is part of God's indescribable work of Grace. Yes, we will all be healed in time, but while we heal God uses us to bring hope to the hopeless, healing to the broken, love to the unloved, and rest to the weary. We hurt, and through our hurt others come to see God. <br />
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"Our Beloved Himself endured great pain and anguish, both of the body and of the soul. He was broken so that we could be healed. He was rejected so that we could experience His love. He suffered exhaustion so that we could rest. He died so that we could live. He rose so that we could be conquerors.</span></span></blockquote><blockquote><span data-jsid="text"><span class="text_exposed_show">"I know you do not see yourself as amazing. You are a sinner, saved by Grace, like the rest of us. What is amazing is the sweet work that God is doing in your soul. It is that work of Grace that mesmerizes and draws."</span></span></blockquote>My friends, my beloved sisters and brothers, never forget that you are deeply loved of God.Lion of Peacehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01000908705563532681noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5940688348997370097.post-27013173399572166882010-12-08T10:11:00.000-07:002010-12-08T10:11:27.756-07:00Levity - A Theory on the Nature of CaloriesThere is a limit to the amount of navel gazing a person needs to engage in. Part of this abundant life God desires to give us is learning how to look outside of ourselves and enjoy life, to have fun. So, in the spirit of Pop Rocks in a room full of somber men preparing for their doctorates, please read a short email my father sent me. He has a number of different theories, and this is the latest. So, without further ado, please enjoy my father's theory on calories.<br />
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<blockquote>A Theory on the Nature of Calories</blockquote><blockquote>By Frank Musk </blockquote><blockquote>The problem with eating the cakes, pies, and cookies, not to mention all the other good stuff we have and that seems to be a contributor to weight gain is that they are so full of calories. <br />
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We had a church member over today and she was using the oven here to bake some cookies. She gave me some of the cookie dough. As I was eating it, it suddenly dawned on me. As you may or may not know, the calorie is a unit of measure for energy. The more calories the more energy. Since heat is an energy and can be measured in calories, it stands to reason that cookies, cakes, and pies would not have nearly as many calories if they were not baked. OBVIOUSLY, IT IS THE HEAT IN THE OVEN THAT IS GETTING INTO THE COOKIES, CAKES, AND PIES THAT GIVE THEM ALL THE CALORIES. I am fairly certain that no one would have nearly as much of a weight problem if we ate every thing raw or uncooked. <br />
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Just think of all the implications of this theory. Turkeys are baked. Meat is roasted, fried, or grilled. Fudge and other candies are boiled. Potatoes and other such things are boiled, baked, fried, or deep fried. The gravy is prepared over heat. Potato chips and such like things are deep fried. Even peanuts are roasted before we get them. If we would just keep all our food away from any heat, we would all have less of a problem with weight. It is the heat that is the problem. <br />
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As a corollary to this theory, I notice that placing food prepared by heating into the refrigerator and cooling them does not lessen the calories. Obviously calories are easier to put into a substance that to get them out. Even eating and digesting the food does not affect the calories. The calories simply leave the digested food and stick to parts of our bodies. So the corollary is, "Calories once placed into a food item will never leave until they can enter a substance of greater attraction, such as the human body." Everyone knows from personal experience that calories that get into the body are nearly impossible to remove. </blockquote>Lion of Peacehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01000908705563532681noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5940688348997370097.post-41854063158862052022010-12-05T21:49:00.002-07:002010-12-08T21:53:27.368-07:00Here I Stand - I Can Do No Other"Here I stand - I can do no other. God help me. Amen."<br />
<blockquote>--Martin Luther, April 18, 1520. Before Emperor Charles V at the Diet of Worms, at the castle in Worms, Germany</blockquote>I do not write out of personal anger, hatred, or bitterness at the pain I have been through, or the lies I have been told and believed. I am not even certain if I ever was angry or bitter. Sad, yes. Bitter? No. I do have burning within me a righteous indignation at the pernicious rotgut propagated amongst certain churches.<br />
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Let me be frank with you. My outrage is not with historic fundamentalism. Historic fundamentalism was a multi-denominational movement which embraced a strong defense of the truth of God's Word. It stood against those who would deny core Biblical truths. Any church which believes the following without apology is a church which believes in the fundamentals of the faith:<br />
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1. The deity and virgin birth of Jesus Christ<br />
2. The substitutionary blood atonement for sin on the cross by Jesus Christ<br />
3. The physical death, physical burial, and physical resurrection of Jesus Christ on the third day<br />
4. The physical and imminent return of Jesus Christ<br />
5. The inerrancy of the Word of God, the Bible<br />
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Anyone who holds to these is my brother and my sister. Anyone who adds to these may find themselves looking into the eyes of an angry lion. Not mine, but the eyes of the Lion of Judah. Compared to Him, I am not worthy enough to be regarded as even a kitten.<br />
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No, my outrage is not with historic fundamentalism. My outrage is with the modern corruption of the Independent Fundamental Baptist (IFB) church. Too often there is a confusion of terms. I am guilty of it as well. Though I know what I am talking about when I say fundamentalism or fundamentalist, as do many who say such things, what I (and they) really mean is the modern IFB church. Granted, not every IFB church is corrupt. I want to believe that a good many, even a majority nationwide, are good. I want to believe it. But I am seeing more and more areas of concern even among those churches which are not extreme. I am seeing less and less of those churches which claim the IFB label as being worth anything. And IFBs are not the only ones experiencing these problems. Southern Baptists and other Baptists are also growing cold. Maybe the Baptist church as a whole has this same problem.<br />
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A good litmus test is to see how much emphasis the IFB church places on their label. Are they openly and proud to be IFB? Do you get the impression they are Baptists first and Christians second? Do they glory in their independence or loudly proclaim their fundamentalist stand? Do they use the expression "KJV Bible" or "Authorized Version" or "AV" a lot with reference to it being the only Bible a person can trust? If you can answer yes to any of these questions, the chances are they will be in the Independent Fundamental Baptist Extreme (IFBX) camp, and you should investigate further and with a lot of prayer and care, and possibly even avoid them altogether. If you can answer yes to all of these, FLEE!!!! This church will suck your soul dry and leave you a mere husk of what God is desiring to grant you.<br />
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"What do you mean?" you may be asking yourself. I will attempt to explain what I mean. It all boils down to where the church's emphasis is. A church may claim to preach grace for salvation but place all sorts of external conditions on a believer to maintain a good standing with God. It all boils down to adding to what the Bible says it means to be a Believer. A good and proper church is not going to demand from you what the Bible doesn't demand from you. A good and proper church is not going to judge your appearance but let time and the Holy Spirit do His work in you and change you. A good and proper church is not going to turn you into a sermon illustration. A good and proper church is not afraid to confront your sin in a loving way. <br />
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Here are some examples of some extreme teachings commonly found in IFBX churches.<br />
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First Example:<br />
<blockquote>A Christian must meet an external code of conduct. I have touched on some of these before, but I am going to go into detail on some of the more pernicious ones here. These laws include the following, but are not limited to them. I am presenting these as I have heard them taught, with a few of <i>my comments</i> thrown in:</blockquote><ol><li><b>A Christian does not go to movies.</b> Hollywood is of the Devil, and going to movies directly supports the ungodly Hollywood actors, producers, etc. Going to a movie means you are a weak Christian at best and fake one at worst. You compromise with the world and God will not bless you. <i>However, you can rent as many movies as you like from NetFlix or Blockbuster.</i> <i>Of course, some of the more hardcore proponents of this would say not to even rent movies, but watch them when they come on TV in 6 months or so after their release. The really hardcore ones wouldn't even have a TV, but these are few, but also the most consistent. Just remember that not everyone who doesn't have a TV is IFBX. </i></li>
<li><b>A Christian woman is not to wear slacks</b>. Slacks are immodest at best and evil at worst, and a woman in slacks has a morality issue at best and is no better than a street walker at worst. <i>Those who say slacks are immodest would permit women to wear them in the home, and some may even allow them for certain activities in which a skirt or dress would be REALLY inappropriate, but often would require a skirt to be worn over the slacks in public. The really hardcore ones say no slacks ever and are not afraid to destroy a woman in public by calling her a whore or even referring to her as a Jezebel. </i></li>
<li><b>A Christian must be in church when the doors are open.</b> <i>Some allow one to miss church for sickness and family emergencies only, others for work as well. When traveling you are expected to find a like-minded church to attend. To miss church the evening of Superbowl Sunday is utterly inexcusable and demonstrates where your heart truly lies - the world is more important to you than the things of God. If a church should dare to reschedule the evening service on Superbowl Sunday to accommodate the game (and even host a party), then that church has compromised.</i></li>
<li><b>A Christian must be actively engaged in soul winning.</b> A good Christian leaves tracks where ever he goes. A good Christian confronts sinners where ever he finds them. <i>Sounds good, but the fact remains that Christians who leave tracks at restaurants are notoriously bad tippers. The message is completely lost because the waitress feels slighted. As for confronting sinners, love is often optional. It is OK to scream out that someone is going to Hell because he/she is doing something or IS something. I've heard IFBXs scream out that homosexuals are going to Hell, people with tattoos are going Hell, people with body piercings (other than just single piercings in each ear for ladies) are going to Hell, that if you listen to certain bands you are going Hell. My niece was told that she was going to Hell because she wore a Black Sabbath T-shirt. I talked to a girl who was told that she was going to burn in Hell because her name, Lea, was not spelled the Bible way - Leah. Another girl named Sara told me the same thing. Also, yelling out Bible verses also constitutes soul winning. Getting someone to repeat a prayer after bulldozing them with the gospel message constitutes soul winning, and the more souls won, regardless of whether or not they ever come to church or become discipled, increases one's standing in the church </i></li>
<li><b>A Christian never listens to Devil Music,</b> <i>by which is meant rock 'n roll. Drums are OK as long its the Gaithers or Gospel music. Country music can be OK, but this is a sore spot with many. Some say no secular music at all, while others say no secular with a back beat. But never rock 'n roll. Never hard rock or metal. A person can't be a good Christian and listen to that stuff, if he is even a Christian at all. There are no real reasons given that it's bad, just that it is. Personally, I've encountered some Country that is a lot worse than some metal I've heard, and I've heard some music from the '40s with content far worse than even some of the raunchy stuff I've heard from Country.</i></li>
</ol><i></i><br />
<blockquote>DISCLAIMER: Simply because someone has chosen to live by a higher personal standard in any area of his life does not mean that person is an extremist. People do and believe things for various reasons. Extremism comes into play when those higher standards are required of others.</blockquote>Second Example: Here I butcher the sacred cow. A true Christian only uses the KJV.<br />
<blockquote>In the IFBX churches, the KJV (or AV or Authorized Version or simply The 1611) itself is held up to such a lofty position that it is nearly worshiped. There are those that teach that God worked a second work of grace when the KJV was translated in that the Holy Spirit moved in the translators to the extent that the KJV is THE new inspired Word of God, superior to the Greek and Hebrew, and if the Greek or Hebrew differ from the KJV, then the Greek and Hebrew need to be corrected to conform to the KJV. Others teach that if a person is saved out of a Bible other than the KJV, he is not truly saved. Others add to this and declare that not only is that person not saved, but that person can never be saved and that he is now a two-fold child of Hell. All will claim that any version other than the KJV is inferior, many going so far as to declare that every translation other than the KJV is satanic. </blockquote><blockquote>I have to answer this travesty. First, most who use the KJV and declare that the 1611 was perfect (even in the printing process) do not realize that the "1611" they hold in their hands is a 1769 update which modernizes most of the spelling, nor that there were numerous errors in the 1611 committed by the printers, such as whether it be a "He" bible or a "She" bible, the omission of differing "not"s from the 10 Commandments (depending on the printer, and such errors generating colorful titles such as "The Adulterer's Bible" or "The Murderer's Bible"). </blockquote><blockquote></blockquote><blockquote>Most of those who profess any of these positions have themselves never read the "Translators Preface to the Readers," which has been left out of almost all modern printings (ca. 1890 onward - I don't know when it stopped being included as standard practice, but I do know it hasn't been included for generations), which explains their translation philosophy and pays due acknowledgment to previous translations. This preface alone disproves any notion that the translators were working under direct Holy Spirit inspiration. Only the autographs - the original documents of the Old and New Testaments, now long since turned to dust, - were inspired. The KJV is nothing more than a good translation, and as such it is subject to the same inferiority of any other translation: it will never be better or even equal to the original languages - it will always be subordinate.</blockquote><blockquote>As to the other charges, I will let them drown in the sound of their own drivel. </blockquote><blockquote>DISCLAIMER: Just because a person uses a KJV, or even believes it is a superior translation, does not make him an extremist. Many godly men have studied the issues and believe that the KJV is the better translation. The extremism comes into play when they cross that boundary and prescribe to a mere translation qualities which only rightly belong to the Autographs, or decry other translations as evil.</blockquote>There. I have thrown down the gauntlet. I have severed my ties with independent fundamentalism. I remove myself from the Baptist camp, and I embrace the Evangelicals. I choose Grace over a false fellowship.<br />
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I know I have just hurt some good friends, and I pray they understand that I mean them no hurt. I know you will not agree with everything I have written. I have spoken my conscience, flawed as it may be. This blog is not about doctrinal perfection. It is about my journey into Grace from bondage. As I started out with a quote from Martin Luther, so too do I close with the same quote:<br />
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"Here I stand - I can do no other. God help me. Amen."Lion of Peacehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01000908705563532681noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5940688348997370097.post-71974578971570292512010-12-01T16:30:00.000-07:002010-12-01T16:30:15.770-07:00Confessions of a White Washed Tomb When a law/works based mentality invades a church, whether it be in an Independent Fundamentalist Baptist church (IFB), or any other church, it replaces love and grace. Law/works unites with that church in an unholy union and produces a bastard son called Pharisaism, also known as judgmentalism. It engenders a lack of love and compassion. It breeds a superiority complex. It holds to a form of godliness but denies the power which comes from a true knowledge of God. It loves confrontation - the bloodier the better. It rots a church from within, and destroys its reputation from without. Why is it that IFBs seem to be the most affected? I can give you what I believe to be the answers, but that will not further the purpose of this entry.<br />
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And now, for the moment of truth. I was a Pharisee. I placed around the Grace of God a hedge of rules. I thought I was being pious. I thought I was helping myself from abusing God's bountiful grace. I was wrong. I forsook the Grace of God and embraced the rules. The rules became more important. The keeping of the rules became the definition of a "good" Christian life.<br />
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I was once guilty of living by a self imposed standard, and measuring myself by that "accepted" list of Christian conduct. I judged others by what they did or did not do. I made myself better than them because even though I knew I didn't have it all together, at least I didn't go around doing THOSE things, or listen to THAT music, or watch THESE TV shows, or play THIS kind of video game. I talked about other believers and bemoaned the fact that they were not living a righteous life according the standard I and others like me had set. I gossiped. I mocked charismatics because they had a "wrong" understanding of the Bible. I looked down on men with longer hair. I judged the spiritual condition of those who did not confirm to my view of "good" Christians. I even judged many of the staff I saw on the first day of HeartChange.<br />
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And then there was the guilt. I was always out of fellowship with God. God was always angry. God wouldn't bless me because I always sinned. God was far from me because I didn't pray as often as I should have. God wouldn't come near to me because I didn't read my Bible often enough. I believed God would put me on a shelf because I wasn't living like I should have. I felt as I did because that is most of what I was ever preached, here in the USA anyway. I would go forward at the altar call and pray and confess my sins and seek forgiveness. Sometimes I felt better, but only very short term, mostly I just felt empty. I then I hated myself because two hours later I was right back at what I had just confessed and tried to repent of.<br />
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Eventually I gave up. I still yearned for God, and I knew I was saved, but God was out of reach. I could never be good enough to please Him. So, I quit. Publicly I still tried to maintain a "good boy" image, but inwardly I let myself go. It no longer mattered. And yet I yearned for something more. I knew the Christian life was more than what I was experiencing, but I could never get out of the rut. I still believed as I had before - the external standards and the guilt trips.<br />
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One day on night shift I heard a message on the radio by Erwin Lutzer which helped me identify and break the chains of the occult I had wrapped around me. God used this message to begin the process of freeing me. I had renewed hope that there was hope for me yet. I wanted to study, to learn more because the church we went to, though the people were very nice and the pastor was a good man, and his wife was a sweetheart, just wasn't meeting my needs spiritually. At least in this church I felt safe. So, I got an iPod and began subscribing to all sorts of podcasts. I listened to Chuck Swindol, Stephen Davey, John MacArthur, Dallas Theological Seminary chapels, the Master's Seminary chapels, Erwin Lutzer, among others. I listened to these for six to twelve hours per day, five to six days per week depending on my routes. I did this for a long time.<br />
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And then, about three years ago, I had an epiphany. If salvation is by grace alone by faith alone through Christ alone, and He paid the ransom for all my sin, all meaning all, then why am I beating my head against the wall because I think I have to keep getting "back" in fellowship with Him? I AM in fellowship with him because ALL of my sins are forgiven, past - present - and future! There is NO sin between me and God because Jesus bore them ALL on the cross. He sees NO sin because God is looking at me through Jesus shaped glasses. He sees NO sin because I have the righteousness of Jesus covering me completely. <br />
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I began to realize this Truth, but I had a hard time applying it to my life. I still wrestled with the old IFB mentality of being in/out of fellowship. Then God moved us to North Dakota, taking us out of the IFB scene altogether, and God's grace which had taken root began to grow and flourish. After moving here I began to realize how judgmental I had been, and I began to curb my words and think less critical thoughts. My pastor teaches Grace, and that has only watered and fertilized the work God has been doing. And then came HeartChange, and you know the rest of the story (if you don't, read my first blog post entitled "HeartChange" from Novemeber, 2010). <br />
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I am pleased that my Lord and Savior has chosen to begin the breaking process in me. Many times I prayed for it, but nothing would happen. He must have known I was going to be resistant to it. And now, I see myself being slowly striped away. I am glad for it. I want less of me around. I have seen more of what Jesus is like, and I want to be more like Him. I am tired of my sin-riddled carcass. I just want more Jesus. I am tired of hiding behind what I am not. I want to hide within the reality of Jesus and His boundless Grace.<br />
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I am breaking, and it is a glorious sight! I am breaking, and I am at peace with the pieces. HeartChange was the hammer blow which cracked my iron hide, a painful blow, a loving blow. And now, the Spirit of God is free to work within me. I am no longer resistant. The clay that I am has become supple once again, and God has chosen to form me anew. I wonder what I will become . . . .<br />
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Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! (shouting!!!)<br />
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And now that I am dying to myself, I find that I indeed "Rest In Peace."Lion of Peacehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01000908705563532681noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5940688348997370097.post-86609172923987948862010-11-27T13:25:00.000-07:002010-11-27T13:25:55.524-07:00Through the Valley of Pain<span class="bodybold"></span><br />
<span class="bodybold">Fear. The nameless "it" which haunts my waking thoughts, always lurking in the shadows of my mind, waiting to paralyze me. Fear of rejection. Fear of losing friends. Fear of being misunderstood. Fear of being maligned. Fear of hurting others. Fear of being hurt. Fear of disappointing my parents. Fear of failing God. Fear of failing others. Fear of pain.</span><span class="bodybold"> Fear of living.</span><span class="bodybold"> Fear of being afraid. </span><br />
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<span class="bodybold">I read a blog by my wife's friend yesterday. She said some things which were triggers for me, triggers I did not know I had. I found anger and frustration welling up inside, and it spilled over onto paper. Without realizing what I was doing, I found that I was engaged in HeartChange Tool Kit tool #9: Letter Writing. I had written a response to her blog, but I could not post it. I could not click the button. I allowed a level of timidity to prevent me. But I will face it here. I will roar my challenge, and I will stand my ground. It's time to face the source of my fear - pain.</span><br />
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<span class="bodybold">I have a lot missing from my early memories. Almost nothing before age 5, which is probably normal. Not much for several years after, which may be less normal. I just noticed that have pockets of memories missing throughout my life. I suspect nothing horrific in most, if not all of them. Most of them are probably there to shield me from whatever pain I was feeling inwardly.</span><br />
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<span class="bodybold">I have minimal memory of 3rd grade, however. I know a lot of what I know simply because I was told about it years later. Let me tell you what I do know of that year. I was the only white boy in a school of 969 Japanese kids. Funny how I can remember the exact number of students that year but I can't remember much else. I remember the teacher's name, a Mr. Susumu Yamashita. I can remember getting coal with other classmates for the coal furnace which heated the classroom - down two flights of stairs, turn left, go the end of the hall, turn right just before the gymnasium, go a little ways and turn left, turn left again and go down another flight of stairs leading below the gymnasium stage, and there before us in large piles were tons and tons of coal. I remember some friends. I remember doing some things that I wish I never had. I remember the occasional 5th/6th grader, or small pack of them, knocking me around, trying to force me to speak English. What I don't remember is that this bullying took place on a nearly daily basis, or that I had been beaten up by groups of boys numbering up to 10, or that I feared to go to school because they were waiting for me, both before and after. I do remember hanging around the school for longer than I needed to after class, then taking any number of longer but different ways home to confound the boys that were waiting for me. Also I was forgetting English, so my mom insisted on teaching me English at home right after school. I lost quite a few friends because I could not play after school. I was not permitted even though I had promised to play and they were waiting outside. To them I became known as a liar. Yeah. I guess it's a good thing that most of 3rd grade is missing from my memory. </span><br />
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<span class="bodybold">For the next six years I was home schooled, up until I began teaching my mom Algebra in 9th grade, and I had never had it before. I was with some other missionary kids for a year or two. They were friends, but not always good friends. They got me into stuff that has haunted me since. Then I was alone for several years. Completely alone, or so it felt. No friends. In some respects my growth was retarded, in other respects it seems to have accelerated some. I remember still playing with GI Joes (the little 4 inch ones) and Transformers until I was at least 14. They were my friends. Even now, I freak out at the idea of parting with them. The Joes, I can part with those. The Transformers, don't even think about it. They are with me, even now, in my office. Though inanimate, they were always there for me when I needed them. Some other missionaries came during my last year or so at home, but their kids were messed up a lot worse than I was, and I don't consider myself really messed up. I can call them playmates, but not really friends. It may be a good thing that there are holes in my memory from this period of my life.</span><br />
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<span class="bodybold">In 10th through 12th grade I went to a Christian school in South Carolina and graduated with honors. </span><span class="bodybold">I respected my friends because once they found out that I wasn't going to budge on obeying my parents, they never more asked me if I wanted to go do things with them that I wouldn't have been allowed to do, such as go to the movies. It would have been nice to have been asked on occasion, even though I would have had to say "no." At least I would have known I was being thought of. I've always felt socially awkward, anyway. In any gathering of people I felt like the albatross around the mariner's neck. And then came senior trip. </span><span class="bodybold">Some of my high school classmates said they hated our senior trip, and other aspects of our senior year. I loved it. I remember being at a low point in my life one particular evening after our day's tour. We had a general assembly, with our school administrator conducting the meeting. I don't remember what was discussed, probably a word from Holy Writ, and we were encouraged to share. I remember saying that I had trouble accepting myself. Never before had I felt accepted like I did that night as classmate after classmate gave me words of encouragement and acceptance. That one moment has done more to sustain me over the following years than any other single event. It stands as a beacon of God's love in an otherwise foggy night of walking barefoot on a path with sharp rocks at irregular intervals.</span><br />
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<span class="bodybold">And then I went to Bible college, where I learned how to truly fake Christianity. In class after class, we were taught that real Christians do not listen to music with a back beat. Real Christian men do not "drink, smoke, cuss, or chew, or go with the girls that do." For God's people there is no room for divorce no matter how bad the abuse gets. Godly Christians do not do C D F or G, and never ever H, but they also must do W X Y and Z, and occasionally they can get by without doing W, but don't push it. If at any point in his life, even prior to salvation, if a man has done M, then he is bared forever from the ministry. Or, should he happen to marry a woman who has done L M or N, then likewise he is bared from serving God in a formal capacity. He might be allowed to teach an adult Sunday school class, but that is to be evaluated on a case by case basis. These people over here are OK to hang out with, but do not associate with those over there because they hang with people who hang out with people who hang out with people who associate loosely with people we don't associate with. I could go on and on.</span><br />
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<span class="bodybold">Then started the attacks as kids from "good and proper" churches who could not handle someone who thought differently than they did challenged my beliefs on the doctrine of election (I'm a Five Pointer all the way) and on the KJV (it is only a translation, nothing more). Then came the personal attacks as I shut each one down because none of my opponents could make a coherent argument because none of them had ever bothered to research the issues for themselves. They only parroted their infallible pastors (I'm not kidding. These kids actually believed that everything their pastor said was Truth). Then came the rude shout-downs as they would attack my position verbally, loudly, in a crowd of people but refuse to let me speak in my defense. Then came the rumors, the slander, the malignment as they sought their vengeance, spreading lies about what I believed, destroying my reputation. After four years, I left without graduating, sick of the lies, the gossip, the double standards, the fake Christians, the obvious favoritism among the staff, and the nauseating self-righteousness of many of my peers.</span><br />
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<span class="bodybold">I then moved back to the Greenville, South Carolina, area where I found a job and tried to find a good church to go to. I only found what I left at Bible college, only more of it. In one church, the singles' class all but shunned me because I did not graduate from their school. At another I was made painfully aware that I was not wanted because I looked and dressed different than them - I wore a beard, a wide brimmed Australian hat, and a duster. At a different church not only did I experience the first two, but also I was further hated and maligned because on an outing, I dared to talk and spend some time with a fellow missionary girl who was mostly by herself who few others seemed to be talking to. Come to find out somebody in the group liked her, so the rumor was that I was trying to steal his girlfriend - news to her (and me), since she hardly even knew the guy. So, the petty factions united against me because I was supposedly engaged in an unwritten taboo.</span><br />
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<span class="bodybold">During this period I would spend months at a time not attending any church because all attempts ended in pain. Some people told me that I needed to be in church, to keep looking for a good church to go to. The problem was that these WERE the good churches, according to standards I believed in, good and proper Independent Fundamental Baptist churches. They had the best pastors, the best music, the best ministries, the best people (supposedly). Among the adults I was accepted and welcomed, but my peers rejected me with the exception of two, one of which moved away quickly thereafter. Oh, there were other churches I could have attended, but they all used the "wrong music" in church, or their dress standards were "loose" or substandard (i.e. the women wore slacks to church, and some men wore jeans and T-shirts)," or what have you.</span><br />
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</span><br />
<span class="bodybold">So, let me ask you. Whether right or wrong, is it realistic to expect someone to continue to subject himself to pain and rejection simply to satisfy the mandate placed on him by others to "be in church?" You see, the conventional wisdom among IFBs (Independent Fundamental Baptists) is that if the doors of the church are open, then a person should make every effort to be there. Also, there is never a good excuse to not be in church, so even if you suffer hurt in your church, you need to be there, because it is not about you. It is about honoring God. Besides, you can still get something from the message. </span><br />
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<span class="bodybold">Oh, really? Let me ask you another one. How am I supposed to get anything out of the message when all I feel are my wounds throbbing? I tried the "be in church because it honors God" route. All I got were more wounds from people in a church from which God had long since departed. Is it honoring to God for me to deliberately subject myself to hurt for His name's sake in a church He wouldn't even attend? I've been told to "suck it up" and keep doing what I know is right, because to do otherwise is sin. So, which is right? To protect myself from hurt from people who claim to be God's own, or to go to church so that I can let "God's own" carve me up? </span><span class="bodybold">I felt as if I were expected to be a masochist. Others would tell me to hang in there because I am being persecuted for the sake of Christ. Really? Was I really being persecuted for Jesus' sake? Or was I just being bullied? Again? If I had even an inkling that maybe I was being persecuted, I would have felt a hundred times better about going to church. At least I would have known that my sufferings were not in vain.</span><br />
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<span class="bodybold">Let me ask another. Isn't church, the gathering of God's people, supposed to be a time of encouragement, renewal, and healing? Am I supposed to prepare for the pain I will face in the world by being stabbed by those I am supposed to trust? Was this God's intent for the church? HELL NO!!!!! Does it happen? Unfortunately, yes. And it seems to happen most among IFB churches. IFBs seem to be the only ones that love to shoot their wounded, then go out of their way to look for the weak among them to destroy. Hurting people in IFB churches generally do not allow anyone to know their hurt because they know they will be either dismissed or attacked. Yeah, I had the old "it's just in your head" handed to me a few times. I've been told to "take these verses, wash them down with prayer, and call me in the morning if you don't feel better." I know many who have been attacked, run out of church, yanked from their ministries, all because they dared to expose their hurts or struggles and simply wanted prayer.</span><br />
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<span class="bodybold">I know that not all of them are like that. I have been in a couple in my life that I would say try hard to be a proper New Testament church. I know that there are others out there. There have to be. God has always saved for himself a remnant. Unfortunately, I am finding more churches outside the IFBs that try to be as God's heart would have them be. </span><br />
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<span class="bodybold">The pain is there. I have it, and it goes deep. I hurt. I still hurt. These memories are painful. But, I have a choice. I can live in my past and wallow in my suffering, or I can chose to hand everything over to Jesus and grow in His grace. Several HeartChange tools from their magnificent Tool Kit are in play here on this blog. Here are the ones that I see applying:</span><br />
<ul><li><span class="bodybold">#4: Negative Tapes - the way I feel now about myself is usually the result of something in my past which I keep replaying in my mind, something I am believing which keeps me defeated. My past influences how I see myself and how I expect God to be seeing me.</span></li>
<li><span class="bodybold">#5: Victim/Choice/Accountability - I have the power to choose how I will respond to my circumstances. I can either repent and receive forgiveness, or I can forgive and bless, depending on the circumstances.</span></li>
<li><span class="bodybold">#9: Letter Writing - this blog turned into an open letter of sorts, not addressed to anyone in particular. By writing, I am able to bring to the surface much of my pain which has kept me from thriving in Jesus as I should be able to.</span></li>
<li><span class="bodybold">#16: The Waterfall of Grace - God's grace is available to me in the shape of my need. I chose to step into it.</span></li>
<li><span class="bodybold">#20: Blessings - I will consistently think and speak encouragement from God to myself and to others.</span></li>
</ul><span class="bodybold">I choose not to play the tapes anymore. They are part of who and what I am, but they don't have to define me or influence me anymore. I choose to forgive those who wronged me, the older kids when I was in school, and my peers in college and afterword. I sincerely desire God's blessings upon them all, and if possible, the very blessings of HeartChange. I do not blame my parents for everything they tried to do to help me. How could they know that the very thing they did to try to help me was the very thing that caused me more hurt? How could I, who could no longer formulate a simple sentence in English, adequately communicate with them who had to work hard to formulate a sentence in Japanese? We had developed a language barrier. No, I do not blame them for anything they lovingly tried to do for me. I choose now to step into the waterfall of His grace, and I will allow God to fill the holes I have, to salve my wounds, and to hold me close. And when the negative tapes begin to play, I will remember my dagger, and I will remember the blessings spoken to me at HeartChange. </span><br />
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<span class="bodybold">I am blessed, and I am at peace.</span>Lion of Peacehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01000908705563532681noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5940688348997370097.post-37471679213671694212010-11-22T21:38:00.000-07:002010-11-23T21:09:14.703-07:00Being RealThe ancient Greeks loved to philosophize. They tried to explain the universe they lived in by observing, thinking, formulating ideas, and debating those ideas. One premise which surfaced nearly five centuries before Christ stated that for something to be considered real, it had to be constant, or unchanging. This postulation led to a plethora of ideas, going from "different" to "just plain weird." One philosopher, some time removed from when the premise originated, said that it is never possible to step into the same river twice, because when the traveler returns, erosion has changed the river in some minute way, and thus it is no longer the same river, and thus the river is not real and does not exist. Another philosopher, some years later, decided that it is not possible to step into the same river even once, because it is changing as one is placing his foot into it, therefore the river cannot be real or even exist. Still others went on to say that because everything changes, nothing is real and nothing can exist.<br />
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They reasoned on this premise for centuries, and these ancient thinkers could never reconcile their intellect with their observations. Some dismissed their observations as false. Some recognized a flaw somewhere and tried to figure out where they went wrong. A few probably even went mad trying to figure it all out. But they never questioned the premise. They never realized that the very foundation of their thinking was flawed, and so their conclusions were flawed.<br />
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Like the Greek philosophers of old I, too, lived my life on a false premise. I lived my life believing that by conforming myself, even in some small degrees, to the expectations or standards of others, that I was not only doing myself a favor, but I was also honoring them. I thought I was practicing deference. This lead to a duality in my life which could not be sustained. Consider the following graphic:<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh18tTh0fTwNoPsMevKtH96NMC9cswTW2veAb-8Q0ruSaFej6RfwSAo4k9aMwZM409mhgjtdv4EiCVRTgbUTpVIaO-qVxU49rZMlANG8ssOFLGKJKrg1cZyKlzHYFSMbS7QpXorihBKRDMS/s1600/Teeter+Totter.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="192" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh18tTh0fTwNoPsMevKtH96NMC9cswTW2veAb-8Q0ruSaFej6RfwSAo4k9aMwZM409mhgjtdv4EiCVRTgbUTpVIaO-qVxU49rZMlANG8ssOFLGKJKrg1cZyKlzHYFSMbS7QpXorihBKRDMS/s400/Teeter+Totter.JPG" width="400" /></a></div><br />
It summarizes well my dilemma. I stood in the middle, and I had to try to balance who I was in private with who I was in the presence of others. I am not saying that I deliberately hid aspects of my life, though I dare say that there is not a person alive who does not have or had at least one skeleton lurking in a forgotten closet, plastered over and blissfully out of sight and mind. Instead of hiding my life, per se, I simply did not bring up certain topics, or I did not include myself in certain conversations. Hiding tends to involve deception, and to my knowledge I never deliberately deceived. If asked a point blank question, I did not shy from giving a point blank answer. It just so happened that most people just weren't curious or obnoxious enough to ask.<br />
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For a person to keep growing, and to even be able to stand firm in his convictions, he must not be afraid to question himself and his beliefs. But just questioning will tend to make one goofy in his thinking. The questioner must have a standard against which he can question, and this standard is the inerrant and divine Word of God.<br />
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I have questioned the existence of God, and He has mightily shown Himself to exist. I have questioned the authenticity of the Bible, and God has demonstrated its full truthfulness. I have questioned my reason for being, and God has shown that He has a purpose, though I do not know what that is as of yet. I have questioned my beliefs, and some I have amended, others I have abandoned. I have questioned authority, and God has shown me that I must obey it, starting with Him, and then human authority so long it does not conflict with God's, and that blind allegiance to human authority is wrong. I have questioned my standards of personal conduct, and some I have amended, and others I have abandoned. <br />
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This brings me to the point of my blog. I have changed over the years, but some elements of my change I have been very guarded over. That stops now. There are some who read this blog who may be saddened by what they read. Others will smile. Others will be shocked. Others may even rejoice. A few may feel betrayed. Some may even see this as an opportunity to try to destroy me. Am I worried? To answer this question, I will quote from a much maligned Disney film, the Lion King - "Hakuna Matata" (it's Swahili meaning " There are no worries." Imagine that . . .). Why no worries? It's all been handed over to God. <br />
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Why am I doing this? HeartChange Tool Kit - Rule #15: Truth vs. My Reality. Do you remember, from my last blog entry, that I had received a new name, even if it was for a day? I was White Washed Tomb. To not expose myself now is to hide behind the veneer of my carefully constructed and decorated shell. By exposing myself, by being real, and letting you see who I really am, I am shattering that wall from within, and I am declaring that I will live by Grace and not by the dictates of men. I will not be enslaved to what I believe others expect of me, nor to conventional norms. To expose myself means to surrender my pride, something of which I am in no danger of running out of any time soon. The most important reason for doing this, though, is because I believe it is honoring to God, and that this is what He desires me to do. So, without further ado, I will open my trench coat (so you can see my superhero shorts and saintly body, completely clothed from the knees up, of course).<br />
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First of all, I listen to wild music. Oh, I do enjoy the whole spectrum of what is loosely termed "classical." I also enjoy a variety of very conservative Christian music. But I must confess I have a weakness for hard rock/metal. I love ZZ Top (Blues - I know), and I especially delight over Petra. I am warming up to Sovereign Grace Music, along with Chris Tomlin and others like him. I have heard music I like from various CCM musicians in recent months. I really enjoy the music of Sarah Brightman, and I love the music of Nightwish, a Finnish operetic/symphonic metal band (they have quite an amazing female vocalist).<br />
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Second, I will be getting a tattoo. It's not a question of "if," but rather when and which one and where. I found a tribal lion I really like. I am also considering a large serpentine oriental dragon coiling its way around my arm from my left shoulder down to my left elbow. I do want something on the back of my right shoulder which looks like a product label which reads "Made in Japan," perhaps with a bar-code that will scan to display my birthday. On my right upper arm I am considering a cherry blossom pattern on a field of bright blue. Who knows. I may even go really wild and pierce an ear and wear a big gold earring like a pirate. :)<br />
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Third, I have no problem with lighting up a pipe or a cigar. (Ever hear of C.H. Spurgeon?)<br />
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Fourth, I have no problem with the temperate use of alcohol. I don't have a problem with downing a beer. So far, I have only had non-alcoholic beer. I don't intend to drink hard liquor, not because I believe it is evil, but because I am afraid of it. I do not wish to open the gates to potential abuse. Having said that, though, I am warming up to the idea of a mild nightcap (again, C.H. Spurgeon).<br />
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Fifth, I have no problem with gambling. I buy the occasional lottery ticket. I like playing poker (though I do not enjoy betting money or using chips - I would rather play with M&Ms or Skittles) and Black Jack. Even slot machines I consider to be just fine. I like dice. Most games are a waste of time and/or money. But, as you can see, there are a few I like.<br />
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Sixth, I have no problem going to our local movie theater.<br />
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Seventh, I have no problem eating a meal in a tavern.<br />
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That may be enough for now. Honestly I am unable to think of anything else to put down. Besides, I've put enough to give the average Independent Baptist a fit of sputters and high blood pressure.<br />
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There may be elements I exposed here which may not be right. Others may not be wise. I am simply telling you who I am right now, at this moment in time, one life to another, heart to heart. Judge me if you wish. Release me from your friendship if you must. Curse me if you feel so led. I do not care. My God is my sufficiency, and I embrace His grace. He will protect me and fight for me. He will correct me and lead others to me to encourage me in the way I should go.<br />
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I am at peace.Lion of Peacehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01000908705563532681noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5940688348997370097.post-61362258075829306942010-11-20T09:35:00.001-07:002011-02-20T04:57:49.372-07:00HeartChangeWelcome to Thoughts Beyond Time.<br />
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A new friend of mine recently stated that he had misunderstood his existence. He thought he was a physical being having a spiritual experience, when in reality he was a spiritual being having a physical experience. I agree. We are spiritual beings, and though our present and physical existence is linear, our spirits are eternal, and one day we will transcend the boundaries of space and time when we return to the feet of our Creator.<br />
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I met this friend, now a brother-in-arms, at HeartChange. In Oregon. Eastern Oregon. FAR eastern Oregon. I live in North Dakota, roughly 1000 miles away.<br />
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So, what would posses me to make a 2000+ mile round trip in mid November to Oregon in an '98 Chevy Silverado K1500? Well, simply put, HeartChange. You can find them here: <a href="http://www.heartchange.org/">www.heartchange.org</a> <br />
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I wasn't thrilled about participating. I really didn't want to be there. My wife needed help. But why would I need any? After all, I grew up in church. I've been learning theology ever since I can remember. I knew all the answers. I can parse out and coherently argue nit-picky details with the best theology professors on the planet. If anyone needed help, it would not be me. The Holy Spirit would use my vast knowledge and show me where I needed to change.<br />
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. . . . Did anyone notice a common thread in that last paragraph? Did you notice how many times the first person pronouns were used? 13 instances in that short paragraph. I needed HeartChange. I didn't know it because I had too much of a preoccupation with how great and smart I was. In short, I was proud, exulting in my own glory and greatness, happy to worship myself and pay lip-service to God. I needed HeartChange. The Holy Spirit couldn't fill me and help me because I was too full of myself. I had to be broken so that I would be spilled out completely. Then the Holy Spirit could mend me and fill me with His presence. I needed HeartChange.<br />
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What can I say? HeartChange was an incredible experience. I want everyone to go, and from the sounds of it, many want to go. They have a waiting list half a mile long of people who want to experience what I experienced, to be able to walk a new journey with Creator God and call Him "Daddy," and to be filled with such a wonder and awe to not only know that God loves them but also to feel that He loves them. Broken hearts begin to mend, and wounds of the heart long left festering or bleeding begin to heal.<br />
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At some point on the second day I was given a new name. I became White Washed Tomb. The people of HeartChange have incredible insight. I could not believe that they saw right through me. My new name exposed me for what I truly was.<br />
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Until the end of the next day I remained White Washed Tomb. We went through various processes over those days to help us confront our deepest shames and darkest haunts.<br />
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At the end of the second day, we went through a process in which we named the various components of the wall that we had built up around our hearts, and used various sized boxes to build a physical representation of them. I had a wall nearly six feet high. For the crowning brick I took off my name tag and placed it on top. I wanted to be rid of who and what I had become. My small group leader, Brent (totally awesome dude), asked me if I wanted to break it down. I thought for a moment, then asked him to do it in my stead. All of my life, insofar as I can remember, I have tried to do things in my own power, and consequently sank myself to newer and lower lows, making a mess of my life. I requested Brent to step in, and in a physical representation of the working of the Holy Spirit, he smashed my wall asunder.<br />
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That same night we had to formulate a "dagger." A dagger, in this context, is a statement, a tool that we can use to remember the work God did in our hearts. It states concisely how God views each person individually, and it is something that can be and is intended to be used when we fall under spiritual attack and are faced with temptation. Mine is as follows:<br />
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"I am a warrior, forged in adversity by my Lord and Captain, unfettered and at peace."<br />
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Later on the third night I received a new name - Lion of Peace. I have embraced my name, and it is now my blog signature.<br />
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The whole experience, though difficult at first, beyond question encompassed some of the greatest moments of my life to date, the undisputed first and greatest being the very day of my salvation - Friday, April 19, 1996, 17:15 PM Central Time.<br />
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May God be with you.Lion of Peacehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01000908705563532681noreply@blogger.com5